George Santos wants to start a male escort service.
He's going to call it PETER SELLERS!
My grandkids when I call......
" Boomer rang " .
I threw a boomerang two years ago............... b
I've lived in constant fear ever since.
Guy and her date were groping each other in the Theater. They were told to leave.
It was "Touch and Go" for awhile.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
A catchy tune.
My son asked me today, “Dad, when was the first time you fell in love?”
I said, “I was 18. I walked into a bar and spotted the most beautiful blonde I’d ever seen. Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her.”
He asked, “So what happened?”
I said, “Nothing. Unfortunately, the arrow missed and hit your mother.”
People who use selfie sticks.................
.................should take a good, long look at themselves.
People who take care of chickens:
Chicken tenders
My wife sells real estate.
She says houses with basements are best cellars.
I always wore eyeglasses during math classes.
It seemed to improve da vision.
I can tell apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
It's best to date a real estate agent.
She knows where the empty houses are and has the keys.
If I go to an animal shelter to get a pet I am a hero.
But if I go to a woman's shelter to get a girlfriend I am suddenly a bad person?
What did Jim Carey say when he wasn't allowed one left-handed player on his baseball team?
" ALLLLLLLL Righty Then !"
How does The Rock pee ?
He dwaynes his johnson !
What do you call a wandering caveman ?
MEANDERTHAL
Me: "I'm sure glad the doctor said I could masturbate as much as I want."
Wife: "That's not what he said. He said you could have a stroke at any time."
I once dipped my testicles in glitter.
Pretty nuts, huh ?
