Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Vlad the Impaler's favorite joke:
"So this bar goes into a guy.................."

No one ever wanted to play poker with Vlad the Impaler.
...........................there was too much at stake.

Dracula's porn name: Vlad the Impaler

The first time I had sex, my girlfriend took off
my Hawaiian shirt. ( she deflowered me )

What happens when an astronaut masturbates in space ?
They defile gravity.

Even Lowe's seems to be participating in pride month.
Couldn't find a straight board there today.

To the person who stole my place in line:
I’m after you now.

I saw a theft at an Apple store,
so that makes me an iWitness.

I'm so old.............................
- The candles on my birthday cake now cost more than the cake itself.
I went to school before there was such a thing as a history class.
- When I went to an antique auction, three people bid on ME.
- I DJ'd at the Boston Tea Party.
- I knew Burger King when he was just a Prince.

Best line ever on TV........
June to Ward;
"You're being a little bit hard on the beaver."