Apparently reincarnation is making a comeback.
If reincarnation does exist, I want to come back as a fly
just to see if it really is that difficult to escape from my bedroom.
Ya know, if you believe in reincarnation, suicide is a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
Anyway, the hotline asked me not to call back.
Reincarnation is really a thing.
I used to be a wild dog but now I'm a massive boar.
OMG!! Panic and riots in the streets!!!
Writer's Guild on strike, whatever will we do?
Last time we had a major writers' strike
we ended up with "reality TV" ( because it requires no writers.)
I don't know what's worse than the Kardashians, but they'll find it. This is a serious crisis.
Bonehead: Someone who's marrow minded.
"Siri, why am I so bad with women ?""
"I'm Alexa, you moron !"
What do you call a dumb A.I. ?
Artificial Imbecile
A guy escaped from the looney bin, went to a
laundromat and assaulted some patrons, then ran away.
The headline read: "Nut Screws Washers and Bolts"
Knew a guy in the Navy named DeBolt He had his name on his toolbox.
He came into work one day and saw:
DEBOLT DENUT & DEWASHER
I bought some resistance bands.
So far they've helped me resist exercise for two weeks.
New Viagra Warning
"If you have had an erection that has lasted more than 2 hours, you should go to the nearest emergency department for medical attention. Prolonged erection, or priapism, occurs because the blood in the penis becomes trapped and is unable to return to the circulation. The doctor will show you a three minute video of Kamala Harris giggling.
How did the Navy Captain convince his sailors
to stop peeing off the back of the boat ? He gave them all a stern talking to.
Why shouldn't boats visit certain islands ?
It takes atoll on them.
A man at the zoo was caught by the zoo keeper...
The man was trying to masturbate a Cheetah in order to collect his sperm for a science experiment...
On his discovery, the zoo keeper asked... "Hey, are you trying to pull a fast one?!?"
Scientists warn that Earth could run out of
Conspiracy theories if they continue to come true at the current rate.
Don't fret about your guitar even if you're high strung.
I was blessed with a 10-inch penis when I was just 12-years-old.
I hope that creepy-ass priest is still in jail.
I find it creepy when my wife gives me those sad puppy dog eyes.
It makes me wonder what she did with the rest of the dog.
I used to love building sandcastles with my grandma.
But my parents found it creepy and glued the urn shut.
1970's - an ice age is coming!!
1980's - ozone depletion!!
1990's - global warming!!
2000's - climate change!! (After warming stopped and temps actually dropped.)
AOC - the word is going to end in 12 years if we don't spend 92 trillion dollars.
I make love like a machine...................... ( a two-stroke engine )
I asked my ex-wife if she would like to make love just like old times.
She said, "Over my dead body."
I said, "Yep, just like old times."
Make love, not war.
But if you want to do both, get married.
Guy walks into a Mexican restaurant < hoodathunk > 2023-04-29 01:21
Asks the waiter, do you serve Jews here?
Waiter replies, yes, we have orange jews, grapefruit jews, apple jews.
