Just got over my addiction to chocolate,
marshmallows, and nuts. To be honest, it was a rocky road.
I was addicted to masturbation, but now I'm addicted to sex.
( my addiction got out of hand )
My midget friend admitted himself to gambling addiction rehab.
Now, he's a little better.
Is an argument between two vegans still called a beef?
Which woodland creature takes your car without permission ?
Common deer
Hope you don't flunk your urine test, like I did
And I studied like hell for it.
I teach English at a maximum security prison.
It's a tough job, but it has its prose and cons.
I went to a tough school. When the teacher asked
the class what comes after a sentence, this kid answered, "an appeal."
It's tough being a dairy farmer.
You make money by the skim of your teat.
A tough guy friend of mine always said,
"don't start what you can't finish." So I threw out all my puzzles.
My doctor recommended I eat more fiber.
I replied, "well tough shit !"
Two lions walking through the forest came upon a nudist camp.
Lion 1: "They're already unwrapped, lets grab a bite". Lion 2:
"No, I'd rather go to the camp down the trail where they wear clothes. I need more fiber in my diet"
The Chinese leader s name is 'XI' ...
I don't know how to say that. so I refer to him as 'eleven'.
I forgot that Russian leaders name..............
..................but it's not like I'm going to putin a good word for him anyway.
My four-year-old grandson still can't say
"please" in Spanish. That's poor-for-four.
What do you call a guy who steals noodles from
the rich and gives them to the poor ? Ramen Hood
They just fired me from the graffiti removal company.
I could see the writing on the wall.
Poor Italian neighborhood: The spaghetto
I saw an elderly man at the supermarket collecting the shopping carts.
He must have been pushing seventy.
Before he died, Stephen Hawking went on his first date in years. When he returned,
he'd broken his glasses, fractured his wrist, and shattered his knee cap. ( she stood him up )
I noticed a somber looking police officer at my front door.
Officer: "I'm sorry to tell you this, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a bus."
Me: "I know, but she has a great personality."
What do you get if you cross a river with a school bus?
Fired
I helped an old lady off the bus yesterday.
Don't ask me how the hell she got up there.
I wasn't very close to my dad before he died...which is a good thing
................................because he was run over by a bus.
I just got my taxes done...
I owe Ukraine $14,356.
AI
