The deer ticks are out in full force..........
Now you can have Lymes with your Corona.
I once did...
...stand-up comedy in Hawaii. You might be thinking, "I bet the crowd went wild over your great jokes."
But you'd be wrong; the most I ever got was...
...a low "ha."
Lewis Black on Boston traffic: “The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling, ‘The British are coming! The British are coming!'”
OldManRay constantly called his doctor at all
hours of the day and night and would then keep him on the phone with a litany of imagined ailments. Finally the doctor could take it no longer.
"Listen, Mr. Ray. If you wake me up again in the middle of the night with another one of your tales about some made-up ailment, i am going to insist you go to another physician. Have I made myself clear?" And he hung up the phone.
A week later, OMR slipped and fell down a flight of stairs, breaking his hip, two ribs, en elbow, and suffering a concussion. He was rushed to the hospital and put in intensive care. An hour later, his doctor walked in on him, saw his condition, and beamed, "Now I think you're getting the hang of it!"
My girlfriend poked me in the eyes…
so I stopped seeing her for a while.
My wife gave up bowling for sex.
She says the balls are lighter and easier to handle, and she doesn't have to wear those funny shoes.
Your wife is so ugly...................
..............when she had artificial insemination, the syringe went limp.
A cadet in training for...
...the Georgia State Police was asked on an exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
His answer: Call for backup
