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[DrContango]

And speaking of xrays, ER visits, and tickets outta DaHole, be sure to teach Davey this one, Shaj.

Have him begin to practice swallowing foreign objects that will require emergency hospital admission, One timeless favorite is to swallow a razor blade, the old fashioned kind. The catch is, and you’ll have to emphasize this to DaCoyote, is to wrap the blade safely in radiolucent tape. After all he wants a trip to the endo-suite, not the morgue...



When I was an ER doc as a resident, we serviced the State Penitentiary. I met a felon there who could learn your favorite crook a thing or two.

This con obviously knew my attending quite well: I’m back again! How many, James? About 27!

On return from xray with an image similar to this,

the attending asked me

“What do you see, DrContango”
“Well, I see a 6 by 1 cm radiopaque intraabdominal foreign object”
“Well what is it?”
“I dunno...”
“Well ask the patient!”

“Uh, Sir, what did you swallow?”
“A spoon handle”.

“He swallowed a spoon handle.”
“Why would he swallow just a spoon handle?”
“I dunno...”
“WELL ASK THE PATIENT!!!”

“Uh, Sir. Why just the spoon handle?”

“Are you a FOOL, boy? Ya gots to break off the spoon end and hand it to the guard to prove that you swallowed the spoon handle!”

(true story!)


Doc

PS: I find it always wise to show deference to convicts whose biceps are larger than your thighs...