Here's summary of what I visualize for one of HDC's typical team meetings:
G = George
HZ = Hong Zhang, PhD
M = Marty
C = Colleen Hutchinson
W = William Fromholzer
E = Ed Morrison
J = Jim Murphy
G: Hi everyone. Thanks for joining our weekly call. We have a lot to cover, since we’ve been working exceptionally hard moving the company forward on behalf of our shareholders.
C: Daddy, I didn’t know we have shareholders.
G: Yes, honey, we do. We just don’t like them.
C: Oh, ok. By the way, when are we going to award more shares to ourselves again? I like those. Isn’t the last time we did that almost a year ago?
G: Well, we’ll get to that. First we need to pretend that we did something important, so that I can state that the awards are based on our ‘ongoing contributions to the company.’ M, any ideas?
M: Sorry, I was eating. What did you say?
G: Do you have any ideas about contributions to the company?
M: Absolutely! I was able to purchase new ink for our printer, and I started to copy and paste information from last year’s 10-k so that we can file the same information this year.
G: That’s not exactly what I meant, but good work. I love your loyalty. I need to reference your loyalty again in another 8-k. E, you’re an accountant, do you have any insight for a 10-k that might make sense?
E: Sorry, G, J’s the accountant. I’m not sure what a 10-k is.
G: Oh, yeah, that’s right. J, any info you can share?
J: [Silence]
G: J? You’re on mute.
J: Sorry guys. No, I can’t think of anything. I think M’s suggestion to just cut and paste is excellent. I don’t think we accomplished anything anyway, did we?
G: Ok, makes sense. And, you’re right. We didn’t do anything with our IP.
C: Daddy, what does IP mean?
G: Intellectual property, honey.
C: Oh.
G: W, your eyes are shut. Are you awake?
W: Just resting my eyes. However, I was wondering if we should make these meetings bi-weekly instead of every week. The weekly calls are draining.
G: Good thought, let’s consider it. HZ, what do you think of potential partnerships for the company?
M: G, HZ isn’t here.
G: Why not?
M: He’s not really a member of the team. Remember, we just pretend that he is, because it looks good, and I recommended that we put his name on the website to make it look real. You also said in last year’s annual meeting what a great guy he is. I think shareholders bought it.
G: Oh yeah. I think we gave him $100 to be part of that meeting, didn’t we? I know that we didn’t give him any stock options after the meeting, because we’ve never asked him to contribute.
M: Right. That was $100 well spent. By the way, J, how do we hide that $100 in our filing so that it doesn’t appear we paid him?
J: Just bury it under consulting.
M: Great call, J! I’ll do that after I finish cutting and pasting everything else. I also need to figure out a way to get the new ink I bought into the printer. Could be a long day.
G: Ok, let’s move on to legal mumbo-jumbo.
C: Daddy, what’s mumbo-jumbo?
G: Just an expression, honey. I want to have a frank discussion about all the lawsuits that we’re dealing with.
W: What lawsuits are those?
G: W, we have several of them from shareholders who are a pain.
M: G, maybe we don’t have to worry about them. We’re almost out of money anyway, so we can blame it all on the shareholders.
G: M, did I tell you I love your loyalty?
J: M, how much money do we have?
M: I’ll need to double check. It should be pretty much gone by year-end, though.
J: Outstanding.
C: Oh, that’s great, M!
G: It’s actually not that great, honey. We need money to keep the company alive until we can win that Intel lawsuit and then take our money and run.
W: Is Intel a big company, G?
G: Yes, very big W. I’m hoping they can pay us a boat load of money for stealing our IP.
C: Why would they steal it, daddy?
G: They need it, honey, and just didn’t want to pay for it.
C: Wow, that makes sense. Good for them.
M: G, remember how we told shareholders that we were going to sue them for filing frivolous lawsuits against us?
C: Daddy, what does frivolous mean?
G: Don’t worry, honey, it’s not important. M, we couldn’t move forward with that because it turns out the suits really weren’t frivolous. Those damn shareholders caught us doing something naughty, like granting ourselves tons of preferred shares without letting anyone know, then silently submitting new articles retroactively. Hi hate those shareholders who demand too much.
M: I agree, they suck.
G: M, did I tell you I love your loyalty? That’s why I promoted you. I really don’t care that you don’t know how to commercialize anything. That’s not important.
M: Thanks man.
C: Daddy, can I get promoted?
G: Sure honey. Let me get back to you on that.
E: Hey guys, are we going to waste our time by trying to have another one of those annual meetings this year? I had to spend at least an hour preparing, and it was grueling.
G: Probably not, E. We don’t have anything to say anyway. Plus, we can blame it on the shareholders. W, are you still with us?
W: Sorry, just catching some z’s
G: You mean HZ?
W: No, it’s an expression meaning taking a nap.
G: Oh, by the way, if we don’t have an annual meeting this year, we can save $100 by not having to pay HZ.
C: But daddy, if we don’t have the meeting, does it mean we can’t get more options?
G: No, honey. I think we can figure out a way to grant ourselves more shares. Maybe we just won’t tell anyone.
J: OK, maybe we can just bury it under consulting.
M: Great call, J! I’ll work on that as well. Gosh, I’ll be here until dinner time trying to handle all this.
G: Did I tell you how much I appreciate your loyalty, M? Don’t worry about not being able to get a single thing done. It’s the title you want.
M: Thanks so much!
G: Ok, everyone. That’s it for today. I’ll let you know if any of those damn shareholders give us more trouble.
M: Thanks G. I’ll give you a call off-line if I need help with the ink for the printer.
