2020 WASHINGTON POST NEOLOGISM CONTEST
Coffee: the person upon whom one coughs
Flabbergasted: appalled over how much weight you have gained
Abdicate: giving up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
Esplanade: to attempt an explanation while drunk
Willy-nilly: impotent
Negligent: describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown
Lymph: to walk with a lisp
Gargoyle: olive-flavored mouthwash
Flatulence: emergency vehicle that picks you up after you have been run over by a steamroller
Balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline
Testicle: a humorous question on an exam
Rectitude: the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists
Pokemon: a Rastafarian proctologist
Oyster: a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms
Frisbeetarianism: the belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there
Circumvent: an opening on the front door of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
The Post also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. This year’s winners are:
Bozone: the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration: the act of buying a house that renders the subject impotent for an indefinite period
Giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high
Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who does not get it
Inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late
Hipatitis: terminal coolness
Karmageddon: it’s like when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like the Earth explodes and it’s like a serious bummer
Osteopornosis: a degenerate disease
Decafalon: the grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
Gilbido: all talk and no action
Dopeler Effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
Arachnoleptic Fit: the frantic dance performed after you have just walked through a spider’s web
Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out
Caterpallor: the color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating
