A philosopher says to a linguist
“What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”
The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”
A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human
has one breast and one testicle.
First Law of Thermodynamics:
You can’t win.
Second Law of Thermodynamics: You can’t break even.
Third Law of Thermodynamics: You can’t stop playing.
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe,
revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.”
The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”
A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, “In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.”
But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night?
He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Rhetorical questions don’t get a response.
People often accuse me of
“stealing other’s jokes” and being “a plagiarist.”
Their words — not mine…
Last night I had a nightmare that I was stuck inside a truck's tailpipe.
I woke up exhausted...
I believe in true love. And if a dove is a bird of peace. Then what is a bird of true love?
A swallow...
I herd of masturbating cattle is called
Beef Strokinoff.
