SHORENUFFSTUFF Friday, 11/20/20 09:48:49 AM Re: None Post # of 28171 A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?” The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.” A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle. First Law of Thermodynamics: You can’t win. Second Law of Thermodynamics: You can’t break even. Third Law of Thermodynamics: You can’t stop playing. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?” A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, “In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.” But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.” What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night? He stays up wondering if there really is a dog. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? Rhetorical questions don’t get a response. People often accuse me of “stealing other’s jokes” and being “a plagiarist.” Their words — not mine… Last night I had a nightmare that I was stuck inside a truck's tailpipe. I woke up exhausted... I believe in true love. And if a dove is a bird of peace. Then what is a bird of true love? A swallow... I herd of masturbating cattle is called Beef Strokinoff.