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A philosopher says to a linguist

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SHORENUFFSTUFF Member Level  Friday, 11/20/20 09:48:49 AM
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A philosopher says to a linguist
“What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”
The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”

A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human
has one breast and one testicle.

First Law of Thermodynamics:
You can’t win.
Second Law of Thermodynamics: You can’t break even.
Third Law of Thermodynamics: You can’t stop playing.

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe,
revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.”
The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, “In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.”
But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night?
He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Rhetorical questions don’t get a response.

People often accuse me of
“stealing other’s jokes” and being “a plagiarist.”
Their words — not mine…

Last night I had a nightmare that I was stuck inside a truck's tailpipe.
I woke up exhausted...

I believe in true love. And if a dove is a bird of peace. Then what is a bird of true love?
A swallow...

I herd of masturbating cattle is called
Beef Strokinoff.



















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