I’m having a quarantine party this weekend! None of you are invited.
- We are just two to three weeks away from learning everyone’s real hair color.
- All these people are worrying about a baby boom in the next nine months. Two days of home-schooling should nip that right in the bud!
- All I can think about now when I’m watching any TV show or movie is how everyone is standing WAY too close together.
- I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe!
- The Department of Health is looking to hire couples married seven years or more to educate people on social distancing.
- Quarantine Day 16. I’ve started taking calls from telemarketers. Some of them are actually quite nice. Jamar from Superior Life Insurance has a new baby.
- So we don’t go to restaurants, kids aren’t signed up for anything, and we just stayed home for Spring Break? Sounds like my childhood.
- This is like being 16 again. Gas is cheap and I’m grounded. Geez.
- My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine. It’s called, “Why Are You Doing It That Way?” There are no winners.
- When we come out of this and I ask you where you want to eat, I do NOT want to hear, “I don’t know.” ...YOU HAD 45 DAYS!
- Can’t wait until this is over so I can go back to social distancing on my own terms.
- It’s been a blessing being home with the wife for three weeks now. We’ve caught up on everything I’ve done wrong for 15 years.
- If your parents are over 60 and want to go out ... FORBID THEM! If they complain and say, “But everyone else is doing it”, tell them, “You’re not everyone.” IT’S PAYBACK TIME!
- Due to my isolation, I finished three books yesterday. And believe me, that’s a lot of coloring!
