Stimulus Package Advice
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will likely receive another economic stimulus.
It is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q&A format:
Q: What is an Economic Stimulus?
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q: Where will the government get this money?
A: From taxpayers.
Q: Is the government simply giving me back my own money, then?
A: No, only a smidgen of it.
Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.
Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A: Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy with your stimulus check. Use it wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* if you spend it on gasoline, the money will go to the Arabs.
* if you purchase a computer, it goes to India, Taiwan, or China.
* if you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
* if you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* if you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.
* if you pay your credit card off or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
(1) Spending it at a yard sale, or
(2) Going to a ballgame, or
(3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
(4) Beer, or
(5) Tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the United States.)
CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.
No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help.
AI
