Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant..
like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
I gave my son a hint. On his room door.....
I put a sign:
CHECKOUT TIME IS 18.
The next time you feel like complaining, remember:
Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
I have the Emergency Alert Warning sound set
as the ringtone for when my wife calls.
Q: What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
Q: What do you call a party with 100 midgets?
A: A little get together.
Why don't vampires go south of the border?
Because every time they suck a Mexican's blood, they get the shits for a month.
What's the difference between Amy Winehouse
and a moped? A moped can make it to 30.
At a session with a marriage counselor,
She snapped at her husband: "That's not true! I do so enjoy sex!"
Then, turning to the counselor, The wife exclaimed: "But this animal expects it four or five times a year!"
What's the difference between a Rihanna video...
and a porn video?
The music is better in a porn video.
My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,
"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"
A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy that my prayer worked.
Polish firing squad, stands in a circle.
AI
