Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

My daughter should be getting her mid quarter grades soon.
I'm excited to see how I'm doing in algebra.

Damn girl! I think you're giving me mesothelioma
cuz your ass bestest!"

WARNING! If you get an e-mail with the title
"Nude Photo of nancy pelosi" DO NOT OPEN IT!
It IS a nude photo of nancy pelosi.

Good chance of showers today.
-- Bathroom Forecast.

Sean Connery must have had a hard time training his dog to sit.

“What a brave fashion choice!”
is the ninja of insults.

Back in my time, real men didn't smoke cigarettes with batteries.

It's always awkward when you scan your neighbors house...
and lock eyes with another set of binoculars.

I recently got one of those fitbits...
Supposedly I masturbated 2 miles yesterday.