Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

My wife & I toss a coin to settle our arguments.
If the coin comes down, she wins. If it stays suspended in air forever, I win.

I somersaulted down a hill yesterday…
just like in the movies, it was so crazy!
Angel: Yes that’s why you’re here.

Alcohol increases the ‘Send’ button size by 89%.

Definition of Marriage:
A way through which two people join together to solve the problems they never had before.

Dad, can you help me with my math?
– What do you need help with?
– I’m supposed to find the common denominator…
– What the hell? They still haven’t found it? We were looking for that too when I was in school.