I went to a strip club at lunchtime today but it wasn’t open.
The sign on the door said, “Sorry, we’re clothed”.
The average height of a dwarf is 3 feet.
That’s a little gnome fact.
Blonde: My stomach is getting awfully big, Doc.
Doctor: You should diet.
Blonde: Really? What color, genius?
My wife gives the best headache.
I was sad because I had no shoes...
until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"
Sick of people telling me to “calm down”...
and “release the hostages.”
This bumper sticker says 'Choose Life'.
I can think of 10 other cereals I'd choose first.
Wow, according to the New York Times…
just kidding, I have no idea what's going on.
What's the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?
A pessimist thinks all women are bad.
An optimist *hopes* all women are bad.
People often say women are too emotional.
Have you ever seen a guy lose at video games? Its like PMS on steroids.
