Really love my 19th century gold pocket watch.
My Jewish grandfather sold it to me on his deathbed.
If you accidentally drop you’re iPhone in water
leave it in a bowl of dry rice for 24 hrs.
The rice attracts Asians who will automatically fix your electronics for you.
I can't believe my sister is so dumb
She is a special education teacher with a PhD. She just started a new program for students with ADD and ADHD to attend during the summer. It's called "The Concentration Camp".
The wife and I were passionately making love
last night, and sweating profusely all the while. Fifteen minutes passed, then thirty, and then an hour, and we were still going at it.
Finally, my wife opened her eyes and said: "What's the matter, darling, can't you think of anyone else either?"
