Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

People I live with are hiding my shit.
The two most effective hiding places to date:
1) out in the open
2) where I last left it

Creepy kid: I see dead people
Me: I see people I want dead
Creepy kid: But they don't know they're dead
Me: [racks shotgun] Same

Is your refrigerator running?
Because I might vote for it.

Damn, my printer is so needy.
Always asking for more paper or more ink. I give and give and then
it tells me it doesn't think we have a connection.

I’ve never learned anything from a good decision.