Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

I used to work with a guy who started his show
by taking the tops off beer bottles with his butt. It wasn't much of an act, but one hell of an opener.

Wanted: New assistant for my knife-throwing act.
Also needed: Large tarp or sheet of plastic and a shovel.

I bought a soldering iron recently. My wife borrowed it and made one hell of a mess of my clothes.

My wife has been gone for three days. I don't know whether she left me or went shopping.

The check-out people at my supermarket are so bad, when I used the self-service checkout I was named employee of the month.

I walked up to the cheese counter.................it interrupted him and he had to start again.