Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

An Old Pilots Wisdom

I was the only speaker to show up, so I had the stage to myself. I talked about staying in school,getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those other guys didn't show, I threw it open for questions.

The last one asked was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical beliefs? "

I said, "That's an easy one. Looking back over my lifetime, I've spent most of my money on guns, airplanes, fast cars, women and whiskey. The rest I just wasted."

I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live by:
1) If it flies, floats, or fucks, it's cheaper to rent it.
2) If it's got tits or tires, you're gonna have problems with it.

I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish They need to know this shit!