They say two heads are better than one.
Until it's their baby.
My girlfriend and I went on
our 9th date to see the new Batman film...
Our dates can be summarized as follows: Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN!
I used to be in a band called “Sold Out”...
Our gig posters looked great, but no-one ever came.
There’s a mysterious crime spree going on at our local IKEA...
The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.
My daughter was so angry with me when I told her I got her piano lessons.
That's when I found out she was prone to violins
“Doc, I feel constopetid!!”
Doctor: I think you mean constipated.
Man: No, I had a vowel movement.
My favorite hobbies are practical jokes and masturbation.
I’m always trying to pull a fast one.....
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."
My wife dropped her keys & said "What's WRONG with me?"
I named 6 things before I realized it was a rhetorical question.
I married my wife for her looks.
Just not the ones she’s been giving me lately.
