Nef, you're still going down that long hard painful road of suffering :( I know, because I've been there for a very, very, long, nightmarish, exhausting, horrid time...it's just a heartbreaking, painful, living hell. I went through several years of almost non-stop self berating, beating my head, covering my face, hiding in the corner so to speak after I made such huge errors in trusting in others honesty and goodwill, documented and undocumented, they burnt me to a crisp. My personality completely changed, my haunted existence hurt my family which destroyed me even further. I then had to live it all alone, with no life whatsoever, no enjoyment, no shoulder to cry on, nobody who cared about me or had my back. I really know how it feels... no words can describe it... it was an Absolute Living Horror. Well I think I see you as a much better person than you see yourself. You have much value and all you need to do is to purge that haunting. My Dad once wrote a poem he entitled "If", my poem iwas 'What If', I think that's yours too. Throughout my many tumultuous years of entrepreneurship, I've learned to appreciate the many unique qualities ordinary people possess that made them extraordinary... most left out their valuable experiences which became evident in time once they got their foot in the door. You're now about to start fresh over as a humbled, down to earth, patient, empathetic, willing and able man which many would probably consider more valuable even with 9 years of nothingness to show. Remember you possess a cornicopia of experiences aside from your formal education. Possessing tremendous humility, one who can gauge situations where in many people just want to be treated as real people...you can empathize, sympathize love and understand better because of what you've been through... the frailties of life, self denial, victimization, commitment, honor and respect far greater than most people are willing to or can.
