I said to the pharmacist, "I need some condoms."
She said, "Just a minute."
I said, "Yes, those are the ones."
I try to be modest at all times.................
.........and that's what makes me better than everyone else.
The grass may be greener on the other side,
but at least I don't have to pay their water bill.
Whenever my wife refuses me sex,
I just take matters into my own hand.
Add a touch of magic to your cold
by putting some glitter in your mouth before you sneeze.
There's a way of telling the sex of an orange.
If it squirts in your eye without warning, It's male.
It it's bitter for no apparent reason, It's female.
Women are like swimming pools – they cost a great deal of money to maintain, considering the time you spend inside them.
Google is definitely a woman, it starts suggesting things before you can even finish your sentence.
It was only when I bought a motorcycle that I found out that adrenaline is brown.
30 seconds left on the microwave. Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone. Men: do the space shuttle countdown.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.
