Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

It's safe to assume that more pubes are shaved on February 13th than any other day of the year.

Seen a midget carrying a plasma TV
to his car so I yelled out, “Hey buddy! Need help carrying that TV?”
He shouted, “It’s an iPAD A$$HOLE!”

A great man once said,
"If you divide the people because you want their votes, you will never be able to unite them if you win the election".

Today my yoga teacher was really drunk,
which put me in an awkward position.

If you can't find anyone to sing with you, then duet yourself.

I hate it when people talk and eat loud in the cinema...
Like shutup, I'm trying to film a movie here!

Oh my goodness.
First my wife is in hospital, and now my daughter!
Then again, I guess that's how childbirth works.

People think I'm an idiot,
just because I'm a homeless man that asks people to debate with me.
I beg to differ.

My girlfriend said she is sick of me treating her like a pet.
Hopefully I'll have her put down soon.

An astronaut just passed away.
I saw the orbit-uary in this morning's paper.

If at first you don't succeed...................
try the outfield.

Army doctors are often involved in
big military operations.