Any Good Jokes?

[Gmenfan]

1. My goal for 2017 was to lose 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.

2. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one
big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was
a pizza. I ate a pizza.

3. How to prepare Tofu:
a. Throw it in the trash
b. Grill some meat

4. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

5. I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours
and 20 minutes.

6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live
longer than men who mention it.

7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I
had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me..

9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero
outside they closed school? Nah, me either.

10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or
talented. I forgot where I was going with this.

11. I love being over 70. I learn something new every day and forget 5 others.

12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for
money so I woke up and searched with him.

13. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and
call it a day.

14. November 6, 2017 was the end of Daylight Savings Time. Hope you
didn't forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday
night. HECK, 10 LBS., I SET IT BACK 50 LBS.

15. And finally, always try to remember that once you're over the hill
you begin to pick up speed.