Spilling your beer.........................
The adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon.
I like cooking my family and pets.
Use commas, don't be a psycho.
Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
Should be a convenience store, not a government agency.
When I was a kid.............................
Oh wait, I still do that.
"Alexa, take down the Christmas decorations."
My personal trainer and my marriage counselor… have vastly differing opinions on how many “cheat days” I am allowed each month.
Don't understand people who "get ready for bed".
I'm always ready for bed.
Been on 3 dates now with this girl…
who works in the zoo. I think she's a keeper.
I just got a paper cut from a 108 yr old book…
so I'm sitting here waiting to turn into a vampire.
How does an aging man hold onto his youth?
He gives her money.
Doctor administers experimental
anti bad joke serum...
Doc: "How do you feel?"
Me: "With my hands."
Doc: "Let's give it a minute."
The whole world should be worried that
North Korea has a missile that can hit New York…
Because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.
