I was having a political discussion with my fishing buddy.
It opened up a whole can of worms.
I finally found a spotter while doing bench presses at the gym.
A huge weight was lifted off my chest.
I've been working on a joke for the past 7 days,
but I'm not ready to tell it on yet. The punchline is still a little week.
Just bought several pairs of those pre-ripped jeans at Macys.
They were being sold at wholesale prices.
I am going to start posting long boorish political rants. At best, I will take some partial fact (ignore the full story), combine it with my own shitty bias and shout out to all, my ignorance. Should anyone dispute me, I will call them foul names and carry on ad nauseam in reply after reply.
Answer: Inspector Gadget
Question: What's the first thing you do after buying a female robot?....
On New Year's Eve, my wife stood up in the bar
and said that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing.
As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
Tips for an emergency run to the outhouse
The secret to an emergency successful trip is a smooth even stride - avoid a jarring gait, you'll lose every time. And push aside any negative thoughts such as, "Is somebody already in there?". "Did the house settle & jamb the door?". "Did I remember to bring a new roll?" These are game breakers. Focus on more pleasant things like in-laws visiting or a nuclear holocaust. Cheek pinching can yield mixed results - best check it out beforehand in an non-emergency situation.
Time saving pre-entry tips on the way: Unbuckle / unzip / unbutton & shuck coat (remember to hold up pants). If wearing bibbies, make sure the loose straps don't get tangled up in your thrashing legs.
Hope this helps, good luck.
