Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

A guy on the street said to me, "I haven't eaten in a week.
" I said, "Boy, I wish I had your will power."

I haven't tasted food in three days"
"Don't worry, it still tastes the same."

A bum asked me if I had an extra cigarette...
I took out the pack, looked inside then told the bum "Nope, no extras."

Made my wife a t-shirt that said:
EXPERIENCED PROCTOLOGIST
I've been working with assholes for years.

Her boss was offended.