Recent studies show that 43% of women have used vibrators. From this, we can conclude that the other 57% bought theirs new
Why did the man in the stretcher apologize? Because he got carried away.
This girl once told me she wanted me to do it doggy style. So I licked her face, crapped on the carpet and bit her mailman in the ankle
How do you make a Tupac cocktail? Start by putting six shots in it
My teacher accused me of plagiarism. His words not mine.
Women are like computers. You never really appreciate them until they go down on you
Last night I played a blank tape at full volume. The mime next door went nuts.
Just saw a man slumped over a lawn mower crying his eyes out. He said he’ll be fine, he’s just going through a rough patch
Today I heard a joke about Oedipus and Midas. It was motherfucking gold
Communism like what Bernie Sanders promised, sounds good on paper... unless you’re reading a history book
I got fired on the first day of my new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking." Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial."
Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime. Because actions speak louder than words
My girlfriend's a pornstar. But for the life of me, I don't know how to tell her.
