I'm so broke . . . I owe daylight savings time a week and a half! My parrot asks to be adopted. All the hair is gone from my dog's butt from begging all the time. My picture's on the $100 IOU. Dinner at my house is scratch-n-sniff pictures of roast beef. Top Ramen sends me Christmas cards. Every time I pick up a knife, the cat jumps out the window. For Halloween I hand out one m&m. My tax return comes in a penny sleeve. Thieves break into my house and leave stuff. When my rich aunt died, in her will she asked the executor to break my legs.