Me "Why don't we have sex anymore?" My Wife: "What's all this 'we' shit?" I was enjoying BBQ ribs at a restaurant. Waitress: "Sir, would you like a wet nap?" Me: "No thanks, I had one this afternoon." Me: "Waiter!" Waiter: "Sir?" Me: "Could you check the toilets? My date has been gone 2 hours. Also, her coat has been stolen”