Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Watched a cooking show and the host said…
you can use leftover beer to make battered chicken wings.
What the hell is leftover beer?

Today I gave an iPhone and $500...
to a homeless guy. You’ll never know the relief I felt when he put his gun away.

If I had a time machine…
I'd probably go back and kill Hitler but I'd definitely stop on the way to object at my wedding.

I figured out how to eat rice cakes.
You have to frost them and then dip them into marshmallow fluff. Diet food isn't so bad.

My old gym is a ‘5 Guys’ now.
Renewed my membership this morning.

The self-checkout screen says "Finish and pay".
I feel like I'm with an irritable hooker.