If my wife ever leaves me...
I'm going with her.
Her: “Your hair looks nice today."
Me: “Thanks. I slept differently.”
A German arrives at Orly airport in Paris.
Customs officer: “Occupation?”
German: “Nein, just visiting.”
Man on the train said...
he's in back-to-back meetings all day. I suggested trying face-to-face meetings. He left without thanking me.
Shout out to all the introverts!
Hey! Where you going?!! Come here!
I christened my house "Moderation"…
so now I can pretty much do whatever I want in here.
A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chile.
The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full.
He says, "Are you going to eat that?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself."
He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes! the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."
