Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Gym employee: Sorry sir, but…
to cancel your membership you have to come in and fill out paperwork.
Me:*sigh* FINE. Where are you located?

I didn't like my beard at first,
but it grew on me.

Gonna need you to finish your story real quick
so I can tell you how the same thing happened to me, but its more interesting cause I’m in it.

Boss: “Why do you look so sad?”
Me: “I actually paid a college hundreds of thousands of dollars
so I could do this.”

How to clean a plastic shower curtain liner:
Step 1: Throw it away and buy a new one for $5 at Target.

What happened when the escalator broke down?
Everyone stopped and staired.

My favorite school memory?
Once during sex ed the teacher said 'some of you won't ever need to know this' and everyone turned to look at me.