Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

At a local restaurant, I got on one knee and she said yes.
30 years later I haven't got the balls to tell her
I was just chasing a crouton.

Prescient Bill Clinton tried to warn America.
Bill Clinton, when he was president, tried to warn us about the most dangerous terrorist group, when he testified "It all depends on what your definition of Is is."

My horoscope was so wrong today…
I’m beginning to doubt the science behind this life planning tool.

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but
it's hard without him.

My dad has a weird hobby: he collects empty bottles.
It sounds so much better than saying he's an alcoholic.