Classic American TV shows...chat, discussion & fans

[originunknown]

Great moments in TV

George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : I was free and clear. I was living the dream. I was stripped to the waist eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery.
Jerry <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000632/> : Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out how disturbing it is that you equate eating a block of cheese with some sort of bachelor paradise.



Mr. Lippman <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0266697/> : It's come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?
George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : Who said that?
Mr. Lippman <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0266697/> : She did.
George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : [pause] Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorence on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon... you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time.
Mr. Lippman <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0266697/> : You're fired!
George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : Well, you didn't have to say it like that.

Cushman <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0322339/> : I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite of every applicant we've seen. Mr. Steinbrenner, sir. There's someone here I'd like you to meet. This is Mr. Costanza. He is one of the applicants.
George Steinbrenner <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0202970/> : Nice to meet you.
George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years, you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego.
George Steinbrenner <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0202970/> : Hire this man!

Jerry <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000632/> : Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.

George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.
Jerry <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000632/> : Mammal.
George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : Whatever.
Cosmo Kramer <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0724245/> : Well, what did you do next?
George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself right on top of him - face to face with the blowhole. I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me but I knew something was there. So I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the obstruction.
[George reveals the obstruction to be a golf ball]
Cosmo Kramer <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0724245/> : What is that, a Titleist?
[George nods]
Cosmo Kramer <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0724245/> : Hole in one, huh?


Jerry <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000632/> : You got the job?
George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : Jerry, it's fantastic. I love the people over there, th-they're treating me so great. You know, they think I'm handicapped. They gave me this incredible office, a great view.
Jerry <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000632/> : Ho-Hold on, they think you're handicapped?
George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : Yeah, yeah. Yeah well, because of the cane. You should see the bathroom they gave me.
Jerry <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000632/> : Ho-How can you do this?
George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : Look, Jerry let's face it. I've always been handicapped. I'm just now getting the recognition for it.

George collides with an Andrea Doria survivor]
Cosmo Kramer <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0724245/> : The Andrea Doria collided with the Stockholm 20 miles off the cost of Nantucket.
George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : How do you know?
Cosmo Kramer <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0724245/> : It's in my book, "Astonishing Tales Of The Sea". 51 people died.
George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : 51 people? I thought it was more like 1000.
Cosmo Kramer <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0724245/> : There were 1,560 survivors.
George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : That's no tragedy. How many people do you lose on a normal cruise? 30?


George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : Oh, see? that's why I don't have cable in my house. Because of that naked station. If I had that in my house, I would never turn it off. I wouldn't sleep, I wouldn't eat. Eventually, firemen would have to break through the door, they'd find me sitting there in my pajamas with drool coming down my face.

[George is eating all the shrimp]
Riley <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0689177/> : Hey George, the ocean called, they're running out of shrimp.
George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : Yeah, well, the jerk store called, they're running out of you.
Riley <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0689177/> : What's the difference? You're their all-time best seller.
George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : Yeah well... I had sex with your wife.
Board member: His wife is in a coma.

George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : You ask me to have lunch, tell me you slept with Elaine, and then say you're not in the mood for details. Now you listen to me: I want details and I want them right now. I don't have a job, I have no place to go. You're not in the mood? Well you get in the mood!

George Costanza <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004517/> : I have to have my tonsils taken out.
Cosmo Kramer <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0724245/> : Oh, man! No! George, we gotta get you out of here. Get out right now. They'll kill you.
Jerry <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000632/> : It's routine surgery.
Cosmo Kramer <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0724245/> : Oh, yeah? My friend Bob Sacamano, he came in here for a hernia operation. Oh, yeah, routine surgery. Now he's sitting in a chair by a window going
[high-pitched voice]
Cosmo Kramer <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0724245/> : "My name is Bob!"