I'm considering becoming a mind reader. What are your thoughts?
The next person to tell me I'm overreacting is going to get stabbed.
I have a superiority complex. I'll just wait here while you look up what that means.
Every time I pour a round of drinks, it goes all over the place. I think I need glasses.
Plagiarism: getting in trouble for something you didn't do.
A journalist was interviewing a farmer in Vermont about the previous election, who told him: “The Republicans offered me $20 to vote for them and the Democrats offered me $10 to vote for them.”
The journalist then said: “So you voted for the Republicans?”
“No,” said the farmer, “I voted for the Democrats cuz they less corrupt.”
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