After twelve months of revealing my soul in intense therapy sessions, something my psychiatrist said brought tears to my eyes. He said: "No hablo Ingles."
I walked into my psychiatrist's wearing only
briefs made from saran wrap. My psychiatrist said: "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
Psychiatrist: "So, how long have you believed in reincarnation?"
Me: "Ever since I was a puppy."
Me: "Doctor, I keep thinking I'm Time magazine!"
Psychiatrist: "I can see you have a lot of issues."
Psychiatrist: "Madam, why are you wearing a
dress made of sponges?"
Patient: "I'm self-absorbed."
Psychiatrist hotline voice messaging system:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personality disorder, please press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you are schizophrenic, please listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line 'til we can trace the call.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no one will answer.
