OK, since we're on the weekend:
"You might know her ex husband, lives on Cliff Side Drive in Malibu, a lawyer, who got to keep the $20 million home during the divorce. He never once came to school or any sporting event."
OK, sadly this is very common. To play in certain arenas - high stakes commercial litigation for example or M&A - you're on-call virtually 24/7. You basically cannot have a meaningful family or personal life and play at the level you need to play at in order to keep getting those opportunities. You have to live your job.
My very good friend, who had been in Century City and recently moved offices to Santa Monica, knows this and lives the life. He has no social life other than as related to the job and business development opportunities/contacts. He sleeps in 20-45 minute naps all day long, as he has to monitor his smartphone and email 24/7 to stay on top of proceedings and clients in Europe, Japan, China, Australia, etc. You can email him anytime of the day, and unless he's in trial at the moment or in the air, he'll gett back to you within 30 minutes. Anytime - day or night - weekdays, weekends, holidays.
He had bought a nice home in Beverly Hills when he was in Century City. He was never there, always at the office (Ave of the Stars). One day, he gott a call from his neighbor that lived below his house - they were getting flooded. His irrigation system broke. Well, he had no time to attend to it, so he called his Japanese gardener who went over, shut off the master valve and called plumbers and dealt with the lower neighbors. Within a month he decided to sell. Ever since, he lives in a condo in Century City. He bought it when his office was only two blocks away. Now he has a short commute to Santa Monica.
He has no wife, girlfriend, nor non-business social life.
He lives the job. As one has to - to be good. To fully serve your clients when in charge of high-stakes international commercial litigation.
You always have multiple balls in the air to juggle, and timezones, and people, and clients who need board presentations for updates, and estimates, and bills need to be done, and managing the teams and people, and finding, hiring, and working with experts, and planning your calendar which changes every few hours, and even with excellent support, the life is just a total uncontrollable pinball game.
You can't have a family. Just can't. And shouldn't even try.
In my specialty area, I can attenuate the demands. A full-time high stakes international commercial/IP litigator cannot.
Butt still, you can note from the times of my iHub postings over any span of 3-4 weeks, I can be found awake at all hours of the day sometimes - butt it is nott everyday - like it is with my friend. When I shut down, I try to sleep at least 3-4 hours straight in a block, with maybe a 1-2 hour nap here and there. And I can take days and even weeks as I wish. A full-time litigator cannot do this - almost ever - certainly nott the head of a top litigation practice in a big firm. Top Chambers rating - always -as my friend has had for at least 15 years now - regardless of which firm he takes his team to.
I do nott envy my friend, although he is at the top of his game and he I think enjoys it, butt I do respect him for his commitment and his decision to refrain from trying to mix it with a personal/family life. He is indeed a hell of a lawyer.
I know another litigator who had three different bypass surgeries by the time he was 44. The stress is that great. These guys age fast and hard.
My mentor - the guy who taught me real law and the business of it (which is as important if nott moreso than the law itself) - he was divorced but then remarried, mended his ways, left the firm, has two great kids and a very relaxed gig. He saw the choice and he made his decision. Good for him. Great, great guy!
I'm dialed way back from where I used to be. I remember days when I'd hit the voicemail at 9:30AM (OK, maybe it was 10 or 10:30) after leaving the office just 6 hours before - and my voicemail box was full - 30 messages - and 8 of the messages were urgent. Sorry, can't - no, WON'T - live that way anymore. Once my son was born, I changed priorities like right away. Bigtime.
Family first and always, sleep and health second, recreational time next, then work after that. That's my decision. My CC/Santa Monica friend has decided otherwise. I think we both made the right decisions for each of us.
