You left a note on the fridge saying
"This isn't working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don't get it.
I'm sorry I showed you snaps from my colonoscopy after you made me look at your ultrasound.
I thought we were sharing pics of our innards.
I'm an adult, and I can eat whatever I want,
whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me.
England's gonna have a rude awakening
when they go to war and all their knights are actors and musicians.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked
at me when she handed me the cup. I've never been more scared of a drink in all of my life.
Getting shit done.
Was my response when my boss ask me what I'm doing. And now I'm sitting outside of H.R.
A young girl is seated on a plane next to her mother, who is sleeping.
A man across the aisle whispers to her, "Your mother is hot, I'm going to have sex with her tonight, what do you think of that?"
The girl does her best to ignore him, but he persists, "Yeah, look at that body. When this plane lands, I'm going to take her to the hotel and we'll have passionate sex".
The girl tells him to stop talking to her, but once again, "Yes, you wouldn't believe the things we're going to do. I'm going to take.."
Finally, the girl has had enough and loudly responds, "Knock it off Dad, you're drunk!!!!"
