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A certain young fellow from Ransome
Had a dame seven times in a hansom.
When she shouted for more,
Said he from the floor,
The name, miss, is Simpson, not Samson.
There was a young girl from Hoboken
Who claimed that her hymen was broken
From riding her bike
On a cobblestone pike
But it really was broken from pokin'!!!
There was a young man from Bellaire
Who was screwing his girl on the stair.
But the banister broke,
So he doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in mid-air.
There was a young man from Spartar,
Who was an incredible farter.
At the strength of one bean,
He could play "God Save the Queen",
And Beethoven's "Moonlight Senata".
An architect fellow named Yoric
Could, when feeling euphoric,
Display for selection
Three kinds of erection --
Corinthian, ionic, and doric.
There once was a hacker named Ken
Who inherited truckloads of Yen
So he built him some chicks
Of silicon chips
And hasn't been heard from since then.
There was an old man of the port
Whose prick was remarkably short.
When he got into bed,
The old woman said,
"This isn't a prick; it's a wart!"
There once was a queen of Bulgaria
Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier,
Till a prince from Peru
Who came up for a screw
Had to hunt for her *unt with a terrier.
There once was a plumber from Leigh,
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea,
Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
I think someone's coming!"
Said he, "Yes I know love, it's me."
Two lesbians north of the town
Made sixty-nine love on the ground.
Their unbridled lust
Leaked out in the dust
And made so much mud that they drowned.
There was a lady from University
Who was the sole of perversity
She was into candles
And all manner of scandals
And sexual positions in diversity
There once was a young barmaid from Wales
On her breasts were written the prices of ale
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
The prices were tatooed in braille
Once a young woman named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And part of her anus in Dallas.
There was a young girl of Dumfries
Who said to her boyfriend 'Oh, please,
It will give me great bliss
If you play more with THIS
And give less attention to THESE.'
There once was a lass from Wilts
She came walking into Scotland upon stilts
They said "Madam it's shocking
You reveal so much stocking"
She said "Yea, well how about those kilts?"
There once was a Senator from Mass
Who wanted a strange piece of ass
He lucked up and found it
But fucked up and drowned it
And now his future is past
A worried young man from Stamboul
Founds lots of red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
"Get out of my clinic;
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool!"
There once was a woman named Ann
Who was said to be quite like a man.
When nature did call,
She ran down the hall,
And went to the gentleman's can.
There once was a woman from Arden
Who was seen sucking a man in the garden
Her mother said, "Flo,
Where does it all go??
And she said, "Gulp, Beg your pardon?"
A soldier known only as Sarge
Had sex with a hooker named Marge
Though only a grunt
He assaulted her *unt
And gave her a hon'rable discharge.
A young bride was once heard to say,
"Oh dear, I am wearing away!
The inside of my thighs
Look just like mince pies,
For my husband won't shave every day."
A dulcet-voiced callgirl named Shedd,
Who's cultured, well-spoken, well-bred,
Had achieved some renown
For her tone going down -
There's a nice civil tongue in her head.
Dirty Limericks - some are nasty please be advised, ha ha ha
There once was a girl from Sidney
Who could take it right up to her kidney
But a guy from Quebec
Shoved it up to her neck
He had a long one, now didn't he.
Elsewhere in the NHL on Saturday, it was: Ottawa 2, Edmonton 0; San Jose 3, Vancouver 0; Boston 6, Toronto 2; Buffalo 3, Montreal 2; Columbus 7, Calgary 2; Dallas 6, Colorado 3; N.Y. Rangers 3, Pittsburgh 1; Philadelphia 3, Detroit 2; N.Y. Islanders 7, Atlanta 3; New Jersey 3, Tampa Bay 3; Nashville 4, Phoenix 3 in overtime; and St. Louis 2, Los Angeles 1.
At Washington, Peter Bondra and Dainius Zubrus each had two goals while Robert Lang, Sergei Gonchar, Steve Konowalchuk, Michael Nylander and Jason Doig also scored for Washington, which has gained at least one point in its last 12 games, going 7-0-3-2.
Their 12 goals matched the franchise record.
Olli Jokinen and Marcus Neilson replied for Florida (12-14-9-8), which lost its fourth straight.
"Well, it's what you call a good old shellacking, isn't it?" said Panthers coach Mike Keenan. "I think it's so off the chart that you pack your bags and let's leave in half an hour and go on to the next city."
Senators 2, Oilers 0
At Edmonton, Patrick Lalime stopped 20 shots for his second consecutive shutout as Ottawa beat the Oilers for the first time in nine years.
Sharks 3, Canucks 0
At San Jose, Calif., Miikka Kiprusoff stopped 29 shots for his third career shutout as the Sharks beat Vancouver to end a four-game winless streak.
Sabres 3, Canadiens 2
At Montreal, Stu Barnes scored the winner early in the third period and also added an assist as Buffalo beat the struggling Canadiens.
Bruins 6, Maple Leafs 2
At Boston, Glen Murray scored the go-ahead goal 5:44 into the third period as the Bruins beat Toronto to end a five-game losing streak.
Blue Jackets 7, Flames 2
At Calgary, rookie Lasse Pirjeta scored twice as Columbus beat the Flames for its third straight win under GM and interim coach Doug MacLean.
Stars 6, Avalanche 3
At Dallas, Bill Guerin and Mike Modano set each other up for early goals as the Stars beat Colorado to stretch their unbeaten streak to nine.
Flyers 3, Red Wings 2
At Philadelphia, Michal Handzus had a goal and assist to lead the Flyers to their sixth straight victory.
Rangers 3, Penguins 1
At Pittsburgh, Petr Nedved scored two goals in his first game back from a hip injury as New York ended its eight-game road losing streak to the Penguins.
Islanders 7, Thrashers 3
At Uniondale, N.Y., Jason Blake scored his first NHL hat trick and added an assist as the Islanders beat Atlanta.
Lightning 3, Devils 3
At Tampa, Fla., Martin St. Louis scored midway through the third period as the Lightning rallied from a three-goal deficit to tie New Jersey.
Predators 4, Coyotes 3 (OT)
At Nashville, Tenn., Scott Walker scored his second goal of the game 37 seconds into overtime to lift the Predators over Phoenix.
Blues 2, Kings 1
At Los Angeles, Martin Rucinsky and Cory Stillman scored as St. Louis beat the Kings for its seventh win in 10 games.
Sens continue to perform despite troubles:
Lalime earns shutout as Senators beat Oilers for first time in nine years
Canadian Press
Sunday, January 12, 2003
CREDIT: (CP/John Ulan)
Petr Schastlivy of the Ottawa Senators battles for control of the puck with Anson Carter of the Edmonton Oilers on Saturday. (CP/John Ulan)
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EDMONTON (CP) - The Ottawa Senators again managed to put aside their financial troubles Saturday night, ending their woes against the Edmonton Oilers at the same time.
Patrick stopped 20 shots for his second consecutive shutout as the Senators beat Edmonton 2-0 for their first win against the Oilers in nine years. "It's nice to get the monkey off our back," said Lalime. "We knew we weren't successful against those guys. Some tight games, but I think tonight, we came ready to win from the first minute and never looked back."
Two nights after he shut out the Calgary Flames 1-0, Lalime looked solid in goal again while Marian Hossa and Daniel Alfredsson scored for the Senators.
"Patrick, I thought, played very well," said Senators coach Jacques Martin. "He looked very comfortable, very confident."
Said Oilers defenceman Eric Brewer: "He (Lalime) played well early in the game when we felt we had a lot of pressure and we were playing the type of game that we thought we needed to win."
It was Ottawa's first victory against the Oilers since a 4-3 overtime win on Jan. 18, 1994. Ottawa was 0-10-3-0 in its previous 13 games against Edmonton since that game.
"They made us look pretty ineffective," said Edmonton coach Craig MacTavish, adding that his team was sluggish after returning from a three-game road trip
in California.
The Oilers had also been battling a flu bug and were without top centre Mike Comrie, out with a broken thumb.
"They checked us very well and we had a hard time penetrating, especially early in the hockey game," MacTavish said. "We didn't skate like we normally do. I think it's a product of playing a bunch of hockey and going through what a lot of teams have battled through in terms of sickness and injury."
The Senators (27-10-5-1) became the first team in the Eastern Conference to reach 60 points this season with the win. The loss ended a four-game unbeaten streak for Edmonton (20-14-5-5).
Despite the financial troubles surrounding the Senators, the team has remained focus on the ice and has won both its games since filing for bankruptcy protection Thursday.
"It seems like we've concentrated even better than before," said Hossa. "It looks like nothing's bothering us. We just try to focus on our game and the
hockey and that's it."
Added Martin: "We have no control over what's happening and I think the players have shown great focus and great determination in concentrating on the task. They've done an outstanding job."
Hossa gave the Senators a 1-0 lead at 9:58 of the first period with his team-leading 28th goal. Radek Bonk hit Hossa with a pass and the Ottawa
forward unleashed a wrist shot from the face-off circle through defenceman Jason Smith's legs and behind Edmonton goaltender Tommy Salo.
The Senators, ranked second in the NHL on the power play entering Saturday's game with a 22.1 per cent success rate, finished 1-for-6 with the man advantage.
Alfredsson put the Senators up by two goals at 16:46 of the second when he scooped up a loose puck near the boards, skated in on Salo and let go a quick
wrist shot that went between the goalie's legs. The Ottawa captain has 14 goals this season.
Edmonton had a four-minute power play midway through the third period when Ottawa defenceman Anton Volchenckov high-sticked Shawn Horcoff and drew blood, but the Oilers took a bench minor for too many men on the ice to negate the advantage.
"We didn't give them much - that's been the key to our success," said Martin. "We've played well defensively and we've got some people, that given some
opportunities, can cash in and tonight was a good example."
In the spring of 1998, the Oilers also faced ownership questions, with rumours arising that the team would be moved to the United States. Eventually, the Edmonton Investors Group raised $70-million US to keep the franchise in Alberta.
"As players, you want to put it aside," said Edmonton forward Ryan Smyth, a member of the team at the time. "That's out of our hands, out of our control.
"Our control is on the ice."
Ottawa returns home for a three-game homestand beginning Jan. 14 against the Tampa Bay Lightning.
Notes: The shutout was Lalime's fourth of the season. . . . Edmonton was 0-for-5 on the power play. . . . After the game, Alfredsson and Oilers captain Jason Smith autographed their jerseys and donated them to the 2003 Hockey Fights Cancer on-line auction. . . . Oilers defenceman Steve Staios returned
to the lineup after missing six games with post-concussion symptoms. . . . Rookie Ales Pisa was scratched to make room for Staios.
Wickenheiser predicts better to come after pressure-filled first game
KEVIN WARD
Canadian Press
Sunday, January 12, 2003
CREDIT: (AP/Lehtikuva, Jussi Nukari)
Kirkkonummi Salamat's female Canadian player Hayley Wickenheiser is kissed by two visiting team Kettera players on Saturday. (AP/Lehtikuva, Jussi Nukari)
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KIRKKONUMMI, Finland (CP) - Hayley Wickenheiser declared her first start for a Finnish men's hockey team a success, although her historic performance and all the hoopla that went with it left her a little exhausted.
Canada's leading female player is also confident that the best of her game in Finland's second division is yet to come.
"Right now I'm just a little drained emotionally," said Wickenheiser, who made hockey history by becoming the first woman to record a point in a men's game Saturday.
"I'm very capable of playing in this league and I think obviously I held my own in the physical play, I didn't get knocked around on the ice.
"I knew I would be taking some hits probably early on more than usual, but I felt fine and it's only going to get easier from here on in."
Wickenheiser is on a 30-day tryout with the Kirkkonummi Salamat, who beat the Imatra Kettera 7-3 Saturday. The last two games of her audition are next weekend. Both games are on the road.
Playing at centre, Wickenheiser's impact was felt early on when she dragged the puck back from a faceoff to defenceman and team captain Matti Tevanen, who tied the game at 1-1 with a slapshot at 13:17 of the first period.
The Varuboden Arena erupted when the goal was scored and Wickenheiser, 24, from Shaunavon, Sask., admitted to feeling a little relief at making the scoresheet.
"It was an exciting moment, I felt kind of a little bit of the weight off my shoulders, but then I had to kind of refocus," she said. "I said to myself it's only the first period, there's two more to go."
Wickenheiser's first game was under close scrutiny, with 84 media representatives accredited for a game that would normally only attract the local newspaper.
The Sunday newspapers in Finland were filled with coverage of Wickenheiser.
A picture of Wickenheiser celebrating with her teammates after her assist and a story about the game was on the front page of the Aamulehti newspaper.
One headline warned Finland's male hockey players to watch out, because Wickenheiser is coming.
She was also on the front page of the sports sections of other newspapers, including one of Helsinki's largest newspapers, the Helsingin Sanomat, which bumped coverage of Finland's Elite League to the second page.
The Elite League, where the country's top professionals play, is two rungs above the second division, where players either go to school or hold down jobs to supplement their hockey income.
It had been thought Wickenheiser was making hockey history by becoming the first female position player - three others have played goalie - to play with men, but it now appears a German woman beat her to it in 1998-99.
Maren Valenti played 24 games for Freiburg of Germany's second division, but didn't register a point or a penalty during her time with the team.
Mike Stapleton, a former NHL player who last played for the Vancouver Canucks, was impressed with Wickenheiser's play.
"I don't think she looked out of place one bit," said Stapleton, who plays for the Espoo Blues in the Elite League and did colour commentary on the game for WTSN in Canada.
"She too good of a player, too smart of a player not to succeed in this league," he added.
At five-feet-nine, 170-pounds, Wickenheiser wasn't the smallest player on the ice. She took every hit thrown at her, most of the time staying on her feet when she was checked, and blocked players out of the play more than throwing bodychecks herself.
"She just needs time and as for the physical presence, she got to learn to use her body in different ways, where she doesn't have to check the guy she just has to put herself in the way," said Stapleton.
The game was a big event for the small town of Kirkkonummi, 30 kilometres west of Helsinki.
To cope with the demand for tickets the team got permission to allow extra standing room in their 1,000-seat arena, which meant allowing a sellout crowd of 1,200 people in for the game. The team's largest previous gate was 758 in September when the community opened its new rink.
Wickenheiser was the clear focus of most fan interest, with chants of "Hayley, Hayley" echoing through the building when she lined up for faceoffs.
Wickenheiser's assist was her biggest offensive moment as she failed to record a shot on goal.
With the game out of reach at 7-2, however, Wickenheiser did put the puck in her own net when she tried to clear it off her netminder's goal line at 17:17 of the third period. An opponent checked her, sending the puck into the net off the blade of her stick.
"I wish it were the other way around but that's part of hockey," Wickenheiser said in a post-game interview broadcast to a few hundred people in the arena who remained behind to listen.
The captain of Canada's gold medal Olympic team played 11.23 minutes, including killing a penalty and playing on a power play in the third period. Her line contributed the one goal and was on the ice for two goals by the Imatra Kettera.
She took 18 faceoffs, won nine of them, lost six, with the other three declared ties.
The Salamat's head coach, Matti Hagman, said he was nervous for Wickenheiser before the opening faceoff, but was pleased with her performance.
"She played on the level that we asked," he said through an interpreter.
Wickenheiser said she didn't expect to play in special team situations and cautioned people not to read too much into one game, one way or the other.
"Anybody who know hockey knows that you really can't evaluate a lot on one game," she said. "I think as time goes on I'll get a better indication of how things are going to go."
Tapia's Story Cries for Happier Ending
Albuquerque Journal - January 12, 2003
In the good times, on his better days, Johnny Tapia would talk of a future beyond boxing.
He would raise a family, he said. He would train the stable of fighters his wife, Teresa, managed.
He and Teresa had money in the bank, thanks to the millions Johnny had earned in the ring. They owned several homes. They would grow old together, and life would be fine.
But in the bad times, on his darker days, the Albuquerque native has always seemed hell-bent on seeing to it he had no future at all.
On Saturday -- the worst of times, the darkest of days -- he may finally have succeeded.
Tapia lay in critical condition in a Las Vegas, Nev., hospital room, unable to breathe on his own, after a thus-far unexplained head trauma. He's 35, a month and two days short of his 36th birthday.
It's unclear whether this was a suicide attempt. It's unclear whether drugs were involved. It's unclear whether, or how, it's related to a felony drug paraphernalia charge leveled against him Friday near Kingman, Ariz.
What's clear is that Tapia's future, the one he has mortgaged time and time again, is in deepest peril.
Is this, then, how it ends?
If so, what a hollow and wasteful conclusion to what could have -- should have -- been a story of triumph.
For me, the story began in February 1983. I first laid eyes on Johnny Tapia as, just days after his 16th birthday, he won the New Mexico Golden Gloves title at 106 pounds. One didn't have to be a boxing expert to see this kid was special: fearless, unspeakably quick, deceptively powerful, with a style all his own.
He had a style all his own, for better and for worse, out of the ring, too.
A street kid with little to show for his high school diploma, Tapia was as poorly equipped to deal with real life as anyone I've met. Throughout the 20 years I've known him, he always has relied on others to make his decisions for him.
"He's like a child," Teresa Tapia said in 1995 of her husband, then 28 years old. "That's what he is -- a child."
Yet, like Muhammad Ali -- another great fighter with an allergy to formal education -- Tapia possessed a wit and an intelligence all his own.
That squeaky voice, that lopsided grin, that boundless energy. He could be irresistible.
Yet, the other Johnny was a scofflaw and a hoodlum.
He piled up traffic tickets faster than he did victories. Most of the scars on his face were inflicted by knives, keys and can openers -- not by gloved fists.
There was a wildness within, an angry emptiness that only boxing seemed to cure. And he couldn't box all the time.
Then came the drugs. Cocaine was easier to secure than a boxing match. It provided an even more intense high. He became lost, a slave to his habit.
Then he was found. Tapia's return to boxing in March 1994, after 31/2-year absence, was the stuff of which books are written and movies are made. Indeed, in the wake of his July 1997, victory over fellow Albuquerquean Danny Romero, a movie and a book were contemplated.
The storyline was compelling. The supporting cast was in place.
But the lead character kept losing his.
In 2000, Tapia was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I once chastised him in print for his inability to accept delivery on all the good things he had earned and that his talent had bestowed upon him.
In turn, I was chastised. People familiar with bipolar disorder pointed out that it's a disease and not a character flaw. Tapia wasn't to blame, they said. I understand.
And, yet, this is how I feel: I'm angry. At Johnny or at fate, I'm not sure.
I do know this. Many people, many times, have given of themselves to bring Johnny back from oblivion: Teresa, his wife and manager; the late Paul Chavez, his first pro trainer and manager, who loved him as would a father; his grandparents, Miguel and Esther Tapia; others whom I've forgotten to mention or don't even know.
And now this.
Has Johnny cheated life, or has life cheated him?
Very sad news regarding a great fighter.
Former World Champion in Critical Condition After Fall
Associated Press - January 11, 2003
By TIM DAHLBERG AP Boxing Writer
LAS VEGAS (AP) - Boxer Johnny Tapia was in critical condition at a Las Vegas hospital after falling at his home and losing consciousness early Saturday, hours after he was charged with possessing drug paraphernalia.
The five-time world champion, a former drug addict who has battled personal demons most of his life, had been depressed before the fall, his publicist said.
Tapia was placed on a respirator and was being treated for head trauma, publicist Trayce Zimmerman said.
A spokeswoman at University Medical Center confirmed Tapia's condition but did not provide any more details.
Tapia and his cousin were involved in a police standoff at a house near Bullhead City, Arizona, late Friday that ended with the arrest of two men and Tapia being given a citation for possession of drug paraphernalia. Bullhead City is about 90 miles (145 kilometers) from Las Vegas.
Zimmerman said Tapia, 35, returned to his home in Las Vegas several hours after the confrontation with police and was with his wife, Teresa, when he fell.
``She said he felt depressed and then he just fell down and lost consciousness,'' Zimmerman said.
Zimmerman said Teresa Tapia called an ambulance and her husband was taken to the hospital.
Tapia, who only two years ago was hospitalized for a drug overdose after attempting suicide, last fought Nov. 3 when he lost a 12-round decision to bantamweight Marco Antonio Barrera.
Before the fight, he freely admitted to a turbulent past that led him to fight in trunks with the slogan ``Mi Vida Loca,'' or My Crazy Life, emblazoned on them.
As a child, Tapia saw his mother stabbed to death. He was suspended from boxing for three years for cocaine addiction, and nearly died three times from drug overdoses in the early 1990s.
``It's there every day,'' Tapia said before he fought Barrera. ``I've got a lot of problems. I can mess up tonight or tomorrow. It's always there.''
In the standoff with police, detectives went to a home in Golden Valley, Arizona, after getting a tip that Tapia's cousin was there, said Mohave County Sheriff's Office spokesman Jarrod Lyman.
The cousin, 31-year-old Raymond Whiting, was wanted on a warrant for failing to appear on aggravated assault and weapons charges in New Mexico, Lyman said.
Whiting is suspected of trying to slash a woman's throat during a carjacking in Albuquerque last April.
Police said the standoff started when the men refused to leave the home.
After about an hour, police forced open a door to the home and used a public-address system to ask Whiting to come out, Lyman said.
``Fortunately, the situation resolved itself,'' he said.
Whiting was taken into custody. Another man, Walter Joseph Michael Beck, 26, was arrested on a cocaine possession charge. Lyman said Tapia was not arrested but was to be summoned to court on a felony charge of possession of drug paraphernalia.
``He was very cooperative with the detectives,'' Lyman said of Tapia.
Tapia and his cousin have been in legal trouble before. In 1992, Tapia was arrested on charges that he intimidated a witness to a murder committed by Whiting.
Whiting later pleaded guilty, while Tapia was acquitted of the charge against him.
In July 1994, Tapia was charged with attempting to sell imitation crack cocaine to an off-duty police officer. He was acquitted.
Copyright 2003 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
NHL cooks books with overtime fraud
4-on-4 for the birds When you lose, you don't deserve a point
RED FISHER
Freelance
Saturday, January 11, 2003
CREDIT: DEAN BICKNEEL, CALGARY HERALD
Calgary's Brayden Dunn watches his favourite team, the cash-strapped Ottawa Senators, for what might be the last time Thursday during the Sens' pregame skate at the Saddledome in Calgary.
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Let me see if I have this right: the Florida Panthers, one of the NHL's surprise teams this season, went into last night's 42nd game with 12 victories, 12 losses, nine ties and eight overtime losses. Forty-one points in 41 games: a proud .500 record.
The Canadiens, after 42 games, have a record of 17 victories, 16 losses, five ties and four overtime losses. Forty-three points in 42 games: uh-uh: they're at .512.
Am I missing something here?
Ask anyone who has ever played any game, and they'll insist you lose, you lose. Assuring teams going into overtime of a point, even if you lose, is a fraud. It's for the birds. The Panthers were not a .500 team in their first 41 games, no matter what the NHL's version of cooked books tell you: my Aberdeen School arithmetic has them moving along at a .402 trot. As for the Canadiens, they're .464 awaiting tonight's visit from the Buffalo Sabres.
As you know, it's not as if I haven't mentioned it before, but I'll say it again: you lose, you lose. Everything about the five-minute overtime is for the pullets: the fact that it's four-on-four after playing five-on-five for 60 minutes and that a losing team gets a point, but isn't credited with a loss, while the goaltender is, doesn't add up.
I'm not giving up on this. One of these years, I'm hoping the NHL gets the point: when you lose, you don't deserve one.
My kind of guy: He has been sitting in one of the seats at the Forum and later at the Bell Centre - more often than not within a stick-length of the players, for 18 years. Dr. Eric Lenczner would be watching, questioning, hoping and enjoying the Canadiens when they were putting together a winning night, hating it when they were losing.
I have known him as a friend and as an admirably-talented physician on a professional and personal basis, and now that he has resigned as the Canadiens' team doctor, I can tell you the organization has lost one of its most valuable employees.
Happily, not entirely, Canadiens president and Lenczner fan Pierre Boivin was saying yesterday, because he'll remain available to the team as a consultant in his field of orthopedics.
"Eric no longer will have game-day duties," Boivin confirmed. "He'll be less involved than he has been all these years, but I know he'll be there for us whenever he's needed."
Lenczner's resignation comes in the wake of the Canadian Medical Protective Association's decision to withdraw malpractice protection for team doctors who work for NHL, NBA, NFL and major-league baseball teams. Lenczner wasn't comfortable with the new policy, which came into effect on Jan. 1 and applies only to team doctors - not consultants.
David Mulder, the Canadiens' chief physician, remains with the team. Thus far, Boivin hasn't heard from general physician Vincent Lacroix.
Not unexpected: If you're asking, the answer is I'm not surprised the NHL came down with a wallet-jarring $50,000 fine on Canadiens GM André Savard and $25,000 on coach Michel Therrien for their "abuse of officials" at game's end of Tuesday's 3-2 loss to the New Jersey Devils. Even Savard must know you can't lose it the way he did going after referee Kerry Fraser. It went far beyond the norm of what is perceived as criticism of a bad call, or calls.
You should know I'm also not surprised the fines aren't 'conditional.' There have been cases where an off-ice executive has been fined, let's say, $25,000. All he's asked to deliver to the players' emergency fund is $5,000, and if he's not involved in another incident over a certain length of time, the fine's remaining 80 per cent is wiped off the books.
Not this time: Savard will have to pay the entire amount. So does Therrien. Both fines are in Canadian (Canadiens, perhaps?) funds.
Mutual admiration: If something like this doesn't make you feel warm and fuzzy all over, it's your own fault.
Noted NHL scouts Pete Mahovlich (Atlanta), Warren
Rychel (Phoenix) and former Ottawa Senators GM Marshall Johnston, now scouting for Chicago, were at Thursday's Canadiens-Rangers game. You guessed it: they were talking hockey.
This time, they were discussing the scoreless scuffle involving Chicago and Phoenix the night before with, as you'd expect, special attention on the two young goaltenders who recorded shutouts: Chicago's Michael Leighton (31 stops), who got his overtime shutout in his first NHL game, and the Coyotes' Zac Bierk (40 stops), who recorded his first shutout in 29 NHL games.
What they didn't know is that after the game, Chicago forward Steve Sullivan offered the game puck to Phoenix goalie Bierk.
"Give it to Leighton," Bierk told Sullivan. "He deserves it."
Coach wanted: I don't know about you, but I've been tossing and turning the last 10 days or so wondering who's likely to be named head coach of the Atlanta Thrashers.
GM Don Waddell, who has taken on the post on an interim basis, says: "The process is going faster now. I haven't interviewed everybody I want, but I've spoken to everybody." (Say what?)
Terry Murray, who was the first name mentioned to succeed Curt Fraser, remains in the mix. Former Colorado coach Bob Hartley was interviewed on Tuesday. Murray is a scout with the Flyers. Hartley is unemployed for now, but is being paid for this season and next. In other words, Hartley doesn't have to worry about putting vittles on his table even though he says this about his profession:
"In coaching, you accept that you walk along a cliff every day. If you happen to step on the wrong rock one day, you might be at the bottom of the cliff."
Something new, not borrowed: Say hello to Mighty Ducks coach Mike Babcock, who, apparently, doesn't belong to the same library and reads from the same book as most NHL coaches and players.
Babcock's Ducks found their shooting irons in a 5-3 victory in Colorado on Thursday, but lost
1-0 twice in three preceding games - despite outshooting their opponents. In other words, they played well enough to win.
"If you're making sandwiches for the kids," Babock said, "you just don't say: 'There's some baloney,' even though they like cheese and lettuce and tomatoes on it. That's not good enough. The good-enough meter isn't good enough."
Telling it like it is: Love him or hate him, you can expect the genuine article from Philadelphia coach Ken Hitchcock.
I can't think of any coach, other than Hitchcock, who would tell reporters that while he regards it as an honour to be behind the bench of an all-star "game" a fourth time, he'd prefer staying at home during the break in the schedule.
"It's a kind of a once-in-a-lifetime thing," he said. "You go there to represent your team, but when you have been there three or four times, you understand how long the season is and the rest is something you look forward to."
Team Clinic: You've got to feel for the Los Angeles Kings, who've been decimated by injuries this season and now are back in the pack in the pursuit of a Western Conference playoff spot. In their last six games, they haven't had fewer than eight players on the sidelines.
Jason Allison, who hasn't played since re-injuring his knee on Dec. 22, made it back in time for a 5-4 loss to Edmonton on Thursday for an Oilers team playing without Mike Comrie and Anson Carter. Allison, however, played despite a severe head cold.
"We're happy to have Jason back whether he has chickenpox, measles or appendicitis," said L.A. coach Andy Murray before their sixth loss in seven games.
The numbers game: OK, so the season is only half over, but is there a better Big Three in the running for coach-of-the-year honours than Jacques Lemaire, Dave Tippett and Marc Crawford - all the while saving space for Jacques Martin? Their teams made remarkable progress this season, starting with Crawford's Vancouver Canucks with an NHL-high 19 points.
Minnesota is the only other team to post a double-digit improvement (11), while Ottawa is nine points ahead and Dallas seven.
San Jose is the only double digit loser, down 13 from a year ago, while the Rangers are 11 behind last season's pace, followed by Calgary (9) and Buffalo (8) going into last night's games.
Around the NHL: When you're talking power birthday parties, don't look beyond yesterday when the Bell Centre's hockey staff held one for the Canadiens' director of team services Michèle Lapointe, the NHL's best. Gentlemen aren't supposed to mention birthday numbers when a lady is involved, but I suspect Ms. Lapointe is in her mid-20s. ...
Do you think my great and good friend Gary Bettman can arrange to solve Ottawa's money problems and the sale of the Buffalo Sabres in time for next month's All-Star Game in Florida? I mean, isn't that when the league celebrates excellence? Right now, there isn't a whole lot to celebrate until he announces that attendance is up by 1.5714 per cent. ...
Go ahead, I dare you to tell me you knew it all along that the struggling Canadiens would be only four points behind the Boston Bruins halfway through the season. Tells you something about how much goaltending means to a team, doesn't it? ...
If I'm a Florida Panther, I'm asking for overtime pay. Iron Mike Keenan's bunch has gone into overtime an NHL-high 20 times during the first half of the season. They're only eight short of the NHL record. ...
Where would the New York Rangers be if they hadn't won their four games against Carolina this season? It's the first time in the 24-season history of the Hartford/Carolina franchise that the Rangers have swept their season series. ...
Say this about Bill Lindsay, who was dispatched to the Hamilton Bulldogs yesterday: whatever he had to give to the Canadiens, he gave it all when he was allowed to play. ...
I know where Boston GM Mike O'Connell is coming from when he says he won't trade defenceman Kyle McLaren "unless it's right for us," but the Bruins aren't in a position to pick and choose. They need help now. ...
If all of you (well, almost) are wondering why Billy Tibbetts wasn't in the lineup for Thursday's dance with the Canadiens, it's because as a convicted felon, he is not allowed to enter Canada.
NHL Final All-Star Voting
The Associated Press
1/11/03 1:58 PM
To be held: Feb. 2
At the Office Depot Center, Sunrise, Fla.
(x-starter)
EASTERN CONFERENCE
Wingers
x-Jaromir Jagr, Washington, 122,725. x-Alexei Kovalev, Pittsburgh, 91,694. Alexander Mogilny, Toronto, 91,448. Pavel Bure, N.Y. Rangers, 77,612. John LeClair, Philadelphia, 74,434. Jeff O'Neill, Carolina, 64,887. Glen Murray Boston, 55,601. Erik Cole, Carolina, 54,463. Ilya Kovalchuk, Atlanta, 52,428. Sami Kapanen, Carolina, 43,872. Sergei Samsonov, Boston, 42,702. Patrik Elias, New Jersey, 42,027. Dany Heatley, Atlanta, 41,418. Marian Hossa, Ottawa, 41,310. Daniel Alfredsson, Ottawa, 40,359. Peter Bondra, Washington, 39,759. Simon Gagne, Philadelphia, 38,700. Mark Recchi, Philadelphia, 38,113. Richard Zednik, Montreal, 37,800. Miroslav Satan, Buffalo, 32,085. Mark Parrish, N.Y. Islanders, 24,397.
Centers
Mario Lemieux, Pittsburgh, 155,172. Joe Thornton, Boston, 44,833. Ron Francis, Carolina, 44,010. Joe Nieuwendyk, New Jersey, 38,119. Saku Koivu, Montreal, 36,563. Mats Sundin, Toronto, 34,551. Vincent Lecavalier, Tampa Bay, 25,200. Jeremy Roenick, Philadelphia, 23,014. Eric Lindros, NY Rangers, 22,961. Rod Brind'Amour, Carolina, 18,674. Michael Peca, NY Islanders, 13,446. Alexei Yashin, NY Islanders, 11,383. Robert Lang, Washington, 10,952. Radek Bonk, Ottawa, 10,424. Brian Rolston, Boston, 10,235. Keith Primeau, Philadelphia, 9,636. Martin Straka, Pittsburgh, 8,691.
Defensemen
x-Sandis Ozolinsh, Florida, 141,723. x-Brian Leetch, N.Y. Rangers, 132,938. Scott Stevens, New Jersey, 118,032. Scott Niedermayer, New Jersey, 110,340. Sergei Gonchar, Washington, 78,555. Tomas Kaberle, Toronto, 70,299. Bryan McCabe, Toronto, 65,783. Zdeno Chara, Ottawa, 53,418. Wade Redden, Ottawa, 53,136. Adrian Aucoin, N.Y. Islanders, 49,999. Brian Rafalski, New Jersey, 49,752. Alexei Zhitnik, Buffalo, 49,610. Kim Johnsson, Philadelphia, 44,722. Roman Hamrlik, N.Y. Islanders, 41,575. Oleg Tverdovsky, New Jersey, 38,697.
Goaltenders
x-Nikolai Khabibulin, Tampa Bay, 99,651. Martin Brodeur, New Jersey, 91,677. Arturs Irbe, Carolina, 87,593. Ed Belfour, Toronto, 79,991. Roberto Luongo, Florida, 63,649. Jose Theodore, Montreal, 55,259. Patrick Lalime Ottawa, 29,247. Roman Cechmanek, Philadelphia, 28,109. Chris Osgood, N.Y. Islanders, 25,136. Mike Richter, N.Y. Rangers, 24,893. Olaf Kolzig, Washington, 24,135.
------
WESTERN CONFERENCE
Wingers
x-Bill Guerin, Dallas, 111,696. x-Teemu Selanne, San Jose, 95,379. Brett Hull, Detroit, 86,563. Brendan Shanahan, Detroit, 79,862. Owen Nolan, San Jose, 76,182. Jere Lehtinen, Dallas, 74,001. Paul Kariya, Anaheim, 73,109. Marian Gaborik, Minnesota, 72,621. Markus Naslund, Vancouver, 69,427. Todd Bertuzzi, Vancouver, 64,981. Jarome Iginla, Calgary, 50,533. Milan Hejduk, Colorado, 41,624. Keith Tkachuk, St. Louis, 38,701. Ray Whitney, Columbus, 36,116. Geoff Sanderson, Columbus, 33,524. Zigmund Palffy, Los Angeles, 30,001. Tony Amonte, Phoenix, 25,722. Petr Sykora, Anaheim, 20,792. Anson Carter, Edmonton, 20,638. Andrew Brunette, Minnesota, 19,331. Theoren Fleury, Chicago, 17,199. Ryan Smyth, Edmonton, 16,288. Eric Daze, Chicago, 15,018. Scott Hartnell, Nashville, 8,036.
Centers
x-Mike Modano, Dallas, 112,632. Joe Sakic, Colorado, 95,488. Sergei Fedorov, Detroit, 69,318. Peter Forsberg, Colorado, 52,762. Patrick Marleau, San Jose, 41,899. Vincent Damphousse, San Jose, 37,807. Steve Yzerman, Detroit, 34,520. Doug Weight, St. Louis, 25,233. Chris Drury, Calgary, 25,144. Jason Allison, Los Angeles, 23,416. Mike Comrie, Edmonton, 18,286. Adam Oates, Anaheim, 17,471. Pavol Demitra, St. Louis, 13,955. Mike York, Edmonton, 10,192. Alexei Zhamnov, Chicago, 9,145. Craig Conroy, Calgary, 7,555.
Defensemen
x-Nicklas Lidstrom, Detroit, 164,568. x-Rob Blake, Colorado, 130,537. Chris Chelios, Detroit, 121,497. Sergei Zubov, Dallas, 108,925. Ed Jovanovski, Vancouver, 93,160. Derian Hatcher, Dallas, 89,735. Al MacInnis, St. Louis, 80,275. Adam Foote, Colorado, 76,082. Chris Pronger, St. Louis, 64,383. Janne Niinimaa, Edmonton, 39,253. Mattias Ohlund, Vancouver, 38,511. Teppo Numminen, Phoenix, 27,891. Derek Morris, Colorado, 23,256. Kimmo Timonen, Nashville, 22,553. Danny Markov, Phoenix, 19,158.
Goaltenders
x-Patrick Roy, Colorado, 136,056. Curtis Joseph, Detroit, 100,573. Evgeni Nabokov, San Jose, 88,751. Jocelyn Thibault, Chicago, 39,672. Felix Potvin, Los Angeles, 37,442. Tommy Salo, Edmonton, 34,314. Marty Turco, Dallas, 3,320. J-S Giguere, Anaheim, 33,009. Roman Turek, Calgary, 31,468. Brent Johnson, St. Louis, 26,146. Sean Burke, Phoenix, 21,806.
Woman Gets Assist in Pro Hockey Game
The Associated Press, Sat 11 Jan 2003
KIRKKONUMMI, Finland (AP) — Canadian Olympic star Hayley Wickenheiser became the first woman to record a point in a men's pro hockey game, assisting on a goal Saturday in the Finnish League.
A little more than 13 minutes into her first pro game in a men's league, Wickenheiser won a faceoff in the offensive zone. She sent the puck back to the point, where defenseman Matti Tevanen shot it into the net to tie the game 1-1.
That was the highlight for Wickenheiser, who didn't take a shot during her team Kirkkonummi Salamat's 7-3 victory over Imatra Kettera in Finland's second division, two rungs below the country's Elite League.
``I wouldn't say I played any great game, but I think what I tried to do was keep it as simple as I could,'' she said. ``Really, I think it went as well as I could have expected.''
Actually, Wickenheiser essentially negated her assist by accidentally putting the puck in her own net to score a goal for the opponent with a little more than 2 1/2 minutes left in the game.
She tried to clear the puck off the line. When she was checked, the puck went into the net off the blade of her stick.
``I wish it were the other way around, but that's part of hockey,'' Wickenheiser said during an interview broadcast to the few hundred people who remained in the arena after the game.
An announced sellout crowd of 1,200 attended.
The 24-year-old forward is the second position player to play in a men's pro hockey game. In the 1998-99 season, Maren Valenti played 24 games for Freiburg of Germany's second division, but she never registered a goal or an assist.
Three North American women have played goalie in men's pro games — Kelly Dyer, Manon Rheaume and Erin Whitten.
Wickenheiser has been trying to break into men's hockey since last fall, when the Italian sports federation declared her ineligible to play in that country.
She is on a 30-day tryout with the Salamat (the team's nickname means ``lightning''). She had been playing in a Canadian women's league for a team in Edmonton.
Wickenheiser, 5-foot-9 and 170 pounds, said she was able to adapt to the physical play of her new league.
``I knew that I would be taking some hits early on more than usual,'' she said. ``I felt fine and it's only going to get easier from here on in.''
Eighty-four media credentials were issued for the game. The team also sought permission to allow extra standing room in the 1,000-seat Varuboden Arena, which is about 20 miles from Helsinki.
/ / / / / / / / / / /
Roy pads his legacy of records
January 11, 2003 Print it
DENVER -- Patrick Roy holds nearly every significant NHL goaltending record, has won four Stanley Cups, and is on the verge of becoming the first goalie to play 1,000 games.
It almost didn't happen.
Growing up in Quebec City, Quebec, Roy was drawn to goaltending because he liked the way the equipment looked. By age 6, he was strapping pillows to his legs with belts and turning away shots in the upstairs of his parents' house.
But during his first year of organized hockey, the kid who would later be called the greatest goalie who ever lived was told he couldn't play.
"My first year I played outdoor and the goalie got hurt, and I asked if I could be the goalie," Roy said. "He (the coach) said, 'No, you can't be the goalie because you're too small.' The following year, I asked my mom if I could be a goalie, and I guess that's the best thing that ever happened to me."
And the Avalanche.
GM Pierre Lacroix has a knack for finding the right pieces to improve his team, trading for players like Rob Blake, Ray Bourque and Theo Fleury to give the Avalanche an extra boost headed into the playoffs.
But of all the moves Lacroix has made, the Dec. 6, 1995, deal that sent Jocelyn Thibault, Martin Rucinsky and Andrei Kovalenko to Montreal for Roy and Mike Keane had the biggest impact.
In Roy's eight seasons, the Avalanche have won two Stanley Cups, reached the Western Conference finals six times and tied an NHL record with eight consecutive division titles.
There have been other stars, including Blake, Bourque, Peter Forsberg and Joe Sakic, but it all started with the deal that brought Roy to Denver.
"I always say that it takes a team and there isn't just one part that makes a team successful, but in this case I have to admit that move ranked up there in the top decisions we've made," said Lacroix, who was Roy's agent before becoming Colorado's GM. "There is no doubt it had an effect on this team for a long time."
But Roy's presence between the pipes reaches far beyond the Avalanche.
Before Roy broke into the league with the Canadiens in 1985, most goalies either stayed on their feet or stacked their pads to stop shots.
Glenn Hall and Tony Esposito, two goaltenders who starred in the 1960s and 1970s, helped develop the butterfly style of dropping to their knees to stop shots. Roy used the style to become the best goaltender of his time.
In his 19 seasons, including 10 in Montreal, Roy has swatted away records like weak wrist shots from the blue line.
"St. Patrick" is the all-time leader for victories, minutes and games played by a goalie, and is the only three-time winner of the Conn Smythe Trophy as MVP of the playoffs. He also won the Vezina Trophy as best goalie three times and is a five-time winner of the Jennings Trophy for fewest goals allowed.
Roy is the all-time leader in playoff victories, games and shutouts, and about to become the first goalie to play 1,000 games. He should reach the mark Thursday against Detroit or Jan. 20 against Dallas.
"If he wins another 20 games, is that going to make him any better than what he is?" said Keane, in his second stint with Colorado. "He basically has done everything and broke every record, so I think it's pretty safe to say he's the greatest goalie who ever played."
But staying on top isn't as easy at age 37 as it was a decade ago.
Early in his career, Roy spent his offseasons playing golf, basketball or going fishing. That has been replaced by trips to the gym.
On the ice, the reflexes aren't what they once were, so Roy has to rely on experience and instincts to get into position.
"I trust my technique," Roy said. "I think I'm not moving as quick as I used to in the past, but I think the difference is that I read the play better. Experience has helped me a lot."
The years haven't slowed him much.
Last season, Roy had what Lacroix called his best season, with nine shutouts and a 1.94 goals-against average, both career bests. Roy had a slow start this season and has been battling illnesses that past two weeks, but is rounding back into form.
But while Roy is still one of the league's best goalies, he knows the time is nearing when he will take those pads off for the final time.
Roy says he doesn't look beyond each season, but he's already making plans for after his career.
He is part owner of the Quebec Ramparts, a junior team in his hometown, and talks enthusiastically about passing on his knowledge to younger players.
But as long as he still has that kid's passion for the game, Roy will keep strapping those pillows to his legs.
"The day that I feel that I'm going to lose that desire and that passion, that would be a good time for me to leave," Roy said. "The tough part is that it could happen at any time. It could happen in the middle of the season, it could happen at the end of the season. And if it's time to go, it's time to go."
Titans, Steelers are left battered
January 11, 2003 Print it
NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- Eddie George was knocked out on a frightening helmet-to-helmet hit, and Plaxico Burress, Kendrell Bell and several other players were injured.
But the grisliest scene involved Tennessee Titans quarterback Steve McNair.
Doctors cut away some flesh hanging off his right thumb near the end of regulation. Then he returned and drove Tennessee down the field in overtime for Joe Nedney's 26-yard field goal that beat Pittsburgh 34-31 in Saturday's AFC playoff game.
"What can you say about our quarterback?" Titans coach Jeff Fisher said. "I can't tell you how his hand is right now. I'm afraid to find out. He's got a chunk of skin ripped off the top of his thumb, and he couldn't grip the ball."
A string of players on both teams left with injuries, some returned and others stayed on the sideline with concussions and sprained ankles.
McNair said he bruised his thumb and cut it open when his hand slammed against a helmet.
"I was frustrated and mad. The coach knew I wanted to be in there. I just bit the bullet," McNair said.
The Titans turned to backup Neil O'Donnell for two plays. Then McNair came back.
"He said, 'Hey, I'm going to finish this game,' " Fisher said.
McNair and the Titans will need every day to heal before next Sunday's AFC championship.
George was on the field for one play in the second half because of a concussion in a collision with Steelers tackle Casey Hampton.
Fisher said cornerback Andre Dyson may need surgery on his right shoulder, an injury that kept him out most of the second half. Left guard Zach Piller went out in the second quarter after re-injuring his left calf, and linebacker Rocky Boiman injured his knee.
It wasn't any easier for the Steelers.
Bell, last season's Defensive Rookie of the Year, played despite missing a second consecutive week of practice with a sprained left ankle. He didn't last long and wound up limping off the field.
Burress injured himself when he went up for a pass and fell hard on his left hip. He finished with two catches for 62 yards, but he didn't have a single reception in the second half.
Broncos' coordinator Rhodes resigns
January 11, 2003 Print it
DENVER -- Denver defensive coordinator Ray Rhodes resigned Saturday after the Broncos' second consecutive disappointing season.
"Ray Rhodes has resigned as defensive coordinator because he felt like he wasn't getting the job done," the Broncos said in a statement.
Rhodes was unavailable for comment Saturday.
Rhodes met Friday with coach Mike Shanahan, who excused him from his contract, according to The Denver Post, which first reported the resignation.
The Broncos hired Rhodes in 2001 in an effort to improve a defense that had been one of the worst in the league.
Denver improved from 24th in the league to eighth last year and sixth this year, but it wasn't enough to keep the Broncos from missing the playoffs for the third time in four years since winning consecutive Super Bowls.
Denver opened the season with one of the league's best defenses, leading to comparisons with its Orange Crush defense of the 1970s. But during the second half of the season, the Broncos were picked apart and had trouble stopping teams late in games.
Denver's problems started with a 34-10 loss to Oakland on Nov. 11, when the Raiders used short passes to find holes in the Broncos' soft coverages. Oakland's Rich Gannon completed 34-of-38 passes, including a record 21 straight, providing a blueprint on how to attack the Broncos.
Denver lost five of its last seven games and missed the playoffs after a 6-2 start. Rhodes, who doesn't speak to the media during the season, took much of the blame and was criticized for waiting too long to adjust to what teams were doing.
Rhodes was the NFL coach of the year with Philadelphia in 1995 and became the first coach to lead the Eagles to the playoffs his first two seasons. He spent four seasons with the Eagles before being fired in 1998, then spent one season as Green Bay's head coach before being fired.
Rhodes, who played defensive back for seven NFL seasons, has a 38-44-1 record in five seasons as a head coach. He started his coaching career in 1981 as a secondary coach with San Francisco, and was an assistant with Broncos coach Mike Shanahan when the 49ers won the Super Bowl in 1994.
Hi shagala,
Robert is out of town until wednesday or thursday of this week. I'm sure he will be able to help you then.
JR
Daniello I don't see the problem. By asking other business people in the same business park if they can offer me any insight as to the activity level they can observe at VLVT, it harms nobody. Perhaps I am misunderstanding your comment.
Hey, I know. I drank crown royal from the cup a few years ago when they (detroit) won. We had a big party and it started out nice and civil with everyone getting just photos or touching the cup, but by 2am it was pretty nasty. Hence the crown royal incident and worse, ha ha ha.
Final 1 2 3 F
Detroit 1 0 1 2
Philadelphia 2 1 0 3
And it was with Cechmanek in net. Might have been 3-0 if Esche got the start, ha ha ha.
Good to see they are finally giving me something to brag about.
JR
Were they well received?
Yes, I do the strangest DD ha ha ha.
It is always interesting to get a direct observers opinion of what they see happening at a place of business. I'll share it when I get it.
JR