When I see someone crying, I always ask if it's because of their haircut.
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Would you send me a pic of that, please? Thanks.
She just did it again! She just used the "S" word (#18218) and got away with it. I can't even use the word "priapic"!
You actually used the "M" word on Tate's board and got away with it? I can't even use the word "schnizzle"!
Thanks, Matt! It's good to see someone call a spade a freakin' shovel.
Forget torts. Let's talk tarts!
Not exactly. Now that the Xmas holidays are over, I’ll have time to treat my fornicating-apparatus to an extended session of "liquidating the inventory"...... I’m breaking out all the stops – lube, tissues, four new porn DVDs, soft-lighting, romantic music and a fine merlot.
Too many people put too great an emphasis on loving others. Once you’ve mastered loving yourself, life becomes much less complicated. No more worries about disease, pregnancies, husbands, the age of consent, crossing state-lines or pistol-whippings in dark alleys by dark pimps.
You're welcome. It's not very often that I can clear something up while using the word "penis" at the same time.
That reference goes back to the old joke:
What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?
---- A dick-tator. (dictator)
That may be true, but I prefer to be there during the actual frying, instead of being in the middle of an extended session of hardcore bologna-pillorying.
You are correct, ma'am. The only time for screaming is when the meat-weasel accidently slips into the wrong orifice during coital-merging.........an all-too-common occurrence in the iHub Jailhouse shower.
Does anyone get fried here anymore? Hanging around, waiting for it to happen, is seriously cutting into my “Paulie’s Special Twice-Daily Alone Time”.
I think they may be huffing Nyquil over there.
wantobe, I didn't get what I wanted either.
I got a sweater for Christmas.......I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
Matt, I have a question.... First, it was the Matt and Bob action-figures. Now the IHub Store is trying to foist this "copy-cat" movie upon an unsuspecting public?
Give me a break.
Don't expect too many responses about "screamers".
To these guys, the only time they can turn their wife into a "screamer", is when they're doin' it doggie-style and a hot ash falls off their cigarette and lands on their wife's ass.
The only sure way to get their wife to scream in the bedroom, is if they wipe their dick on the curtains.
sarals, we don't necessarily like screamers, but we do like women who give a obscene running-commentary on the action.
Such as, her commentary on the massive width and breadth of her man's schnizzle.
Or her suggestions of other orifices on her body to implant his membrum-virilis.
It could also be a request to adjust the depth and intensity of her partner's piston-like strokes.
Or perhaps announcing her proximity to attaining toe-curling sexual-release.
ANYTHING, but loud screaming. Not only does it scare the pets, it might prompt the neighbors to call the police.
Done.
And a Merry Xmas to you, Bob. Thanks for the card. It's good to see you so relaxed in your backyard amid your fascinating collection of concrete elves.
You are correct, sir. Little flower, Sweet Soxie, Darling Derfie?
Pretty soon we'll all be wearing sun-dresses, Jamaican espadrilles and a pair of coconut-hooters.
Alladinator, if you would send me either $5 per day via PayPal or e-mail me some good-quality, hard-core lezzie-porn, I will be more than happy to forward any messages you may have over to the WAVX board.
I believe that people should help each other during this Holiday season.
You are correct, sir. If he doesn't get his "happy-ending" frequently, he flies into a spittle-flecked rage like Bobby Knight getting cut-off on the freeway.
Thanks, Matt..... Here's a photo he just e-mailed me from his ski-trip:
He's indicating, in dollars, how much it cost him to hire these two lovely ladies for a massage with a "happy-ending".
Copy them and you'll have them forever.
Susie: ÇüéâäàåçêëèïîìÄÅÉæÆôöòûùÿÖÜ¢£¥PƒáíóúñѪº¿_½¼¾¡«»
Thanks. That tantalizing pair of vertical bacon-sandwiches has caused me to be underwear-free and expecting an afternoon torrent of penis-porridge.
Hey, Bob! Congratulations on your new computer-fan. I bet it really blows big-time!
I don't think it was Mary. "With love and affection, your biker buddy"....... sounds like it's Bob to me!
Thanks Secret Santa. Those pics aroused me from my detumescent state and I am sure that I will soon pass-out from post-hand-coital fatigue.
You are correct, sir. It is set up to automatically open a new window.
Unfortunately, the window is in the mens-room of the iHub office.....and, it also automatically replaces the urinal-cakes.
You are correct, sir. I am sure that his wife will finally see multiple orgasms before he sees multiple dividends.
Yeah, that's what Michael Jackson got at home.
Did anyone else get this in the mail? This is one party I don't want to miss.
I guess if you didn't like my last ones, you may not be thrilled with my new ones:
Wrap up your wands, so you won't hurt your schwanz.
When your nuts could explode, use a condom for load.
Cover that cock or you'll be seeing the Doc.
Put a lid on your whiz, so you won't spill your jizz.
If you first have to scrub her, wrap it tightly in rubber.
Use condoms for cream. So your penis won't scream.
When your hard-on projects, use a condom for sex.
Shield that gator, no regrets later.
AK, that post inspired me! Here's a few that I just made up:
Your dick should be clad, cause that pussy is bad.
A condom's not dumb, it will hold all your cum.
Safe sex still aborts that vagina with warts.
Put your cock in a sack, you won't cum in her crack.
A rubber's protection from her bad yeast infection.
Show us some class, please use condoms for ass.
Wrap up your blunt, cause you'll be in her c_nt.
Novo, you are correct, ma'am. Thank you for your analytical insight. That bib's gotta be more unhealthy than the water in Hugh Hefner's hot-tub.
Why don't you two boys take a long, warm shower together? I'd rather liposuction Ed Asner's ass thru a Crazy-Straw than see you guys argue.
OK, if you really must know.....
My father once told me, "Love is blind because sometimes you can't see around your own boner". But what did he know? He'd order take-out food from Joey's House of Room-Temperature Chum.
Yeah, your two requirements for a man's fornicating-apparatus are........that it's as long as a Louisville Slugger and that you could hang a wet-towel on it.
You have as much chance of finding this ideal guy (myself excluded), as Ryan has of bringing Trista to orgasm on their honeymoon.
He'd better invest in a 120V industrial-strength Erotec Violet-Wand butt-plug. Her can will be whistling "Jingle Bells".
When I step up to the plate, baby, I eat.....
Men are aroused by the size of a woman's sweater-meat the same way women are aroused by the size of a man's meat-rod. Fortunately for women, this infatuation for large love-melons depends on the man's current relationship status.
Single men tend to appreciate large "pointer-sisters". This is especially true when they're around their friends. Of course, with a room full of testosterone, you know that breast-size matters.
Even if a man doesn't agree, his friends will convince him by the end of the night that it does. There is an unwritten law among friends, that we don't let each other doubt that breast-size is important.
Most men pretend to care more about women's breast size around their friends than they really do. But in reality, deep inside, they really don't care. Most of the time men joke around more than anything. Inside, we know what we really want...a pair of nice shaped, and reasonably sized snuggle-pups.
Two Rules
Yes, I like big mammaries, but I like small gob-stoppers as well. I have never encountered a breast that I didn't like. There are only two things I require from a woman's breast:
1. Nipples
2. Accessibility.
I don't care if her Hindenburgs are small, if a woman's headlights meet these two requirements I'm all theirs.
A little advice to the women who do want breast implants...don't spend your money on them. You could always find a sucker out there who'll happily pay for them.