When I see someone crying, I always ask if it's because of their haircut.
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OK, if you really must know.....
My father once told me, "Love is blind because sometimes you can't see around your own boner". But what did he know? He'd order take-out food from Joey's House of Room-Temperature Chum.
Yeah, your two requirements for a man's fornicating-apparatus are........that it's as long as a Louisville Slugger and that you could hang a wet-towel on it.
You have as much chance of finding this ideal guy (myself excluded), as Ryan has of bringing Trista to orgasm on their honeymoon.
He'd better invest in a 120V industrial-strength Erotec Violet-Wand butt-plug. Her can will be whistling "Jingle Bells".
When I step up to the plate, baby, I eat.....
Men are aroused by the size of a woman's sweater-meat the same way women are aroused by the size of a man's meat-rod. Fortunately for women, this infatuation for large love-melons depends on the man's current relationship status.
Single men tend to appreciate large "pointer-sisters". This is especially true when they're around their friends. Of course, with a room full of testosterone, you know that breast-size matters.
Even if a man doesn't agree, his friends will convince him by the end of the night that it does. There is an unwritten law among friends, that we don't let each other doubt that breast-size is important.
Most men pretend to care more about women's breast size around their friends than they really do. But in reality, deep inside, they really don't care. Most of the time men joke around more than anything. Inside, we know what we really want...a pair of nice shaped, and reasonably sized snuggle-pups.
Two Rules
Yes, I like big mammaries, but I like small gob-stoppers as well. I have never encountered a breast that I didn't like. There are only two things I require from a woman's breast:
1. Nipples
2. Accessibility.
I don't care if her Hindenburgs are small, if a woman's headlights meet these two requirements I'm all theirs.
A little advice to the women who do want breast implants...don't spend your money on them. You could always find a sucker out there who'll happily pay for them.
Repost from Q&A: I see Matt and Bob will do ANYTHING to make a fast buck, this holiday season:
I see Matt and Bob will do ANYTHING to make a fast buck, this holiday season:
fung, I bet those needles are stored in the same velvet-lined box with those derf ice-picks.
So huck, are you suggesting that I do not buy any more of this? I knew I should've invested in Scarface-sized mountains of weasel-dust, instead.
Thanks, fung. After reading that PR, the stench grabbed me around the neck and punched me in the face as if I'd stolen its lunch money. If I wanted a headache, I'd go read one of gotmilk's posts.
Would someone please repost the now infamous "Burger-Flipping Vinny", PR/Biography (a priography)? You know, the one where he was named something like, "Mr. Business Integrity".
I'd like to print it out and read it on the bowl. It might help loosen some stools.
Thanks.
And those malt-liquor Slurpees taste like they were filtered through a jock-strap.
It's snowing so hard, I may not be able to go down to the 7-11 tomorrow morning, to pick-up my malt-liquor Slurpee.
I'm making some General Tso's chicken....
General Tso did make some first-rate chicken. He couldn’t have been a very good general if he had a chicken dish named after him. “What’s the matter General Tso – chicken?”
If I were a general in the Chinese army, I'd want to be notorious for a tougher sounding entree such as General Tso’s Beef or Lobster.
Perverts? Just because some of us happen to be knowledgeable in matters pertaining to butt-gumbo, chin-omelettes and knob-shines........and some of us practice "herbal" medicine and eat Red Hots and dirigible-size cinnabuns for breakfast, does not directly infer any perversity.
From the Q&A board: Bob DID NOT shut down iHub yesterday for technical reasons. He was at the Grand Opening of his new Shack:
Bob DID NOT shut down iHub yesterday for technical reasons. He was at the Grand Opening of his new Shack:
Yo, fred. My foot fell asleep today---now it'll be awake all night.
Yeah, Bob. Shut it down, so these people can spend a couple of hours with their families.
After Bob left his motorcycle at the repair-shop, the insurance company gave him a replacement "loaner" bike he could ride, until his was fixed. Needless to say, Bob was a little pissed-off.
How to tell a guy that his "fly" is open...
1. The cucumber has left the salad.
2. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
3. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
4. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
5. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
6. Mini-Me is making a break for the escape-pod.
7. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary".
8. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
9. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
10. Men Are From Mars, Women Can See Your Penis.
I know. Reading this board is like watching a woman getting out of a car ----- sometimes you see 'it', sometimes you don't.
Shy? In the last two weeks alone, this board has discussed subjects such as rectal pork-probes, episiotomies, cooze-pots, donut-bumpers, tubes-tied, erectile-dysfunction, tushie-pushers, excrescence, projectile flatulence, mullet-boys, artificial-inspermination and Victor VonJello.
A motorcycle cop stops a man in a car.
Man: Why did you stop me?
Cop: Your wife fell out of the car about 2 miles back.
Man: Oh, thank God! I thought I was going frickin' deaf.
You've never had one "lodged in your noggin"?
It is certainly quite capable of reaching those dim recesses of your brain and ringing that bell.
So, are you implying that if he was ambidextrous, he'd have muscles on both arms from clutching his baby-maker?
BTW: Did I ever tell you that my astrological-sign is "penis-rising"?
Since apparently you folks would rather eat spaghetti through a colostomy-bag than discuss the hard issues here, I think I will tackle my own "hard" issue with a tissue.
Maybe I've been spending too much time workin' the gherkin over the latest National Geographic Swimsuit issue, but someone please tell me who offended whom about what .... and who's too shy to talk about what?
There are too many posts about wet lesbians to figure it out.
I hope that Bob finds it as funny as you do.
Look what I got in the mail today! Thanks, Bob! You are a man of true Christmas spirit.
Definition of a vibrator?
A slot-machine.
Now THESE are bulging eyeballs:
SIGNS YOU'VE HIRED THE WRONG CLOWN
* By the end of the party, he's got every damn kid doing the "pull my finger" trick.
* Scares the holy crap out of the kids when he does his "severed-limb" trick.
* Clown-car must be started with a Breathalyzer device.
* Props for his "disappearing" trick: a moving van and your wide-screen TV.
* Tells the kids he killed Barney the Dinosaur in a blood-match in Newark.
* Prefaces each trick with, "Here's a little number I learned in the joint."
* Not exactly the Peewee Herman impression you were expecting.
* Wears a T-Shirt that says, "Drug-free since March!"
* More interested in squirting seltzer into his Scotch than into his pants.
* Only balloon-animals he can make are a snake and a "snake on acid."
* Price-list includes "lap dance" and "around the world".
* All the balloon-animals are ribbed and lubricated.
Phil, up here in NYC, we call that, "Going on a date with Handrea and Palmela."
It's my Xmas present to you. I always sensed that you appreciated fine sausage.
You got the Stanley Kubrick "Space Odyssey" grub.
Phil, when was younger, everything I learned about lapping the bald, G-String oyster was from watching those lesbo videos.
Those extreme close-ups demonstrated how to find and stimulate a woman's "tongue punch-bag". I practiced those maneuvers til I became known as the Lickmaster.
I always preferred to watch those lesbian videos, instead of those with a guy sporting a boner that resembled a baby's arm holding an apple, who then proceeded to squirt a gallon of gooey man-snapple everywhere.
Phil, I tend to disagree....
I find that I have alot in common with lesbians.
We both appreciate and enjoy exploring a woman's Magic Pink Place. We are both highly-sensitive to a woman's wants and needs. We both tenderly caress a woman's breast, not like we're kneadin' some pizza-dough......
And not to mention, when I reach for the porn, what's better than a Lesbian Love-Sandwich video?
I know, Phil. I was just bustin' your balls.
BTW: I never met a dyke I didn't like.
Although I'm not sure why you'd wanna be buried in a dress, all I can say is be prepared. Make sure that it's a long dress, otherwise, they'll have to shave your legs. And don't forget to coordinate your lipstick with your nail-polish.