Went for a MRI today. The receptionist took down all my info then says "here, fill out this form and give it to the technician when she calls you. This is the English form, so you shouldn't have any problem filling it out."
I think she'd been waiting years for someone to come along that might need the English form.
14 questions on the form. I should have asked her for a second form so I could quote it verbatum, sadly I did not.
Fortunatly, for each question in English there was, below it, in tiny letters, in italics, what they had originally meant to ask in French. The English translations were simply a collection of English words that, put together, made absolutely no sense.
So, I'm filling out the form, chuckling to myself about the English translations, and then, I get to question number 9. This one they translated correctly. "What are your (insert word I've never heard before) levels?"
Even though I've never heard of that word before, and even if I had, I'm pretty sure they were looking for a number. But the form only allows a yes or no answer. What are your levels? yes or no
So I didn't answer that question.
A few minutes later the tech calls my name. I go with her (she's real hot, this is important to remember if you make it to the end of this story).
I said "here's the form, I didn't answer question 9 because I don't think it is a yes or no question." She said "oh, you filled out a form in English." I said "yes, they just gave it to me, I didn't ask for it. Did you do those translations?"
She said she hadn't and I said "Good, because it makes no sense in English, I had to read the French parts to understand the questions, except for question 9, which is a good translation but I don't think it's a yes or no question"
She told me that they just want to know if I have any kidney problems. I told her that I wasn't aware of any, and if I was, I'd probably be in a different department of the hospital today.
With that out of the way, she says "So, you are from England."
I think she wasn't all that observant. I had a hat on that has "Canada" written on side and was wearing a shirt that had "Canada" written across the chest. It is not that I was feeling patriotic this morning, just that I woke up at 5am for these tests and dressed in the dark so as not to wake up Marianne.
So I told her no, I'm Canadian, from the English part of the country.
She files this in her head and tells me to get undressed. Hey, she's hot, doesn't have to ask twice....
So I strip down to my underwear and wouldn't you know it, this morning, in the dark, I put on DIM underware. Now I don't know what it is about this underware, if it is the way it is designed or cut, when you put them on, you could be coming out of a cold shower, doesn't matter, they somehow make your junk look HUGE.
I remember when Marianne bought them for me. She said here, try these on. I did. She looked at me and all she could say is "It's not that big, what'd you do?." I imagine she would have run screaming from the house if I had had an erection....
So, I'm sitting on the table, in my underware, with my junk looking more impressive than it is, and the tech is going to put a shunt (I think that is the word) in my left arm so she can inject whatever product it is into my system. And she starts up some more idle conversation, I imagine to put me at ease as she jams a needle into my vein.
She asks "Why did you move to France, was it for work?"
After almost 10 years here, people always ask the same dumb question "did you move here for work?" The real answer would be "No, no one moves to France for work opportunities, they move AWAY"
I didn't say that though. I'd only had 5 hours sleep, and I really need my 8 hours or I'm a mess, so I said, without thinking about it, "No, I moved here for the women." She giggled and blushed a deep red.
Then jammed the needle into my arm.....
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