The Old Timers Club (Get off my lawn)

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Heartbreaking, really! 🤧

[getmoreshares]

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley rider for traveling faster than the posted speed limit:
He asks the old biker his name.
“Fred.” He replies.
“Fred what?” The officer asks.
“Just Fred.” The old man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the old biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name.
The old man tells him that he used to have a last name, but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
“Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’
The old biker replies.
“It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, and residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
After a while, I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! I got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. I got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.”
The officer walked away in tears, laughing

[Gmenfan]

Never fails!!

[pos_stock_hoarder]

Foiled again!

[Seminole Red]

lolol

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The times they are a changing.....

[pos_stock_hoarder]

Bummer. The slacker mind-set is spreading to other species!

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And continues.....

(Does anyone still say "gosh"?)

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[pos_stock_hoarder]

Brilliant!

[getmoreshares]

pic.twitter.com/8rxQpUuBh6

— Dwayne FJB Dibley (@DwayneDibley16) May 10, 2024

[pos_stock_hoarder]

Dad is misunderstood. And needs his own room!

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Well, it's a good product anyway!!!!!

[pos_stock_hoarder]

The story continues. The dad is actually what made this funny.

[pos_stock_hoarder]

What's going on nowadays is the joke. Not old Red.

[getmoreshares]

not a joke-

Red Skelton - this comes from the heart. So perfect and should be shown to all grades K-12 every year.
🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
👏👏👏👏👏
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ pic.twitter.com/ZMz10qMJPD

— Sue (@SueJ2024) May 8, 2024

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[getmoreshares]

Please, help a fellow man out pic.twitter.com/d2QhnP1iUG

— Valar Dohaeris (@kevan_logic) May 6, 2024

[getmoreshares]

pic.twitter.com/2Gwyr3JNKZ

— Alfred E. Newmemes (@AlfredENewmemes) May 7, 2024

[getmoreshares]

I can not shop at Costco anymore ))))Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.What did she think I had an elephant?So because I'm retired and have little to do,on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me,
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!

[getmoreshares]

Olivia was driving home from one of her business trips, in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Olivia tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.

The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Olivia.

Olivia looked down at the bag and said, “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.”

The woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, “Good trade.”

[getmoreshares]

😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/0VuI7qsOCN

— Becs 💕 (@becs2986) May 5, 2024

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Nicely played, Earl!

[pos_stock_hoarder]

[Seminole Red]

right

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Our protein of the future.

[Seminole Red]

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Oh, brother! Is this ever on topic.

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It's not easy being a literalist!

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If Daryl Gardner rings your doorbell, DO NOT ANSWER! Your wallet will thank you!

[getmoreshares]

Marriage Hack. pic.twitter.com/ecw2o9zdAf

— Mrs. S. (@hshLauraJ) May 1, 2024

[getmoreshares]

pic.twitter.com/lLl2Bo51d6

— TheyCallMeDoc (@TheyCallMeDoc1) April 30, 2024

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"Take this job and shove it!" What's he got to loose? His pension?!

[getmoreshares]

Sweet husband completes the mood 😬😂 pic.twitter.com/i7XvxT8da4

— Templar⚔️ (@aTeXan575) April 29, 2024

[getmoreshares]

lizzie borden

😳😂🤣 pic.twitter.com/IUzo0PbDah

— Ginalilvol (@Ginalilvol) April 28, 2024

[Trinityz1]

LOL

[getmoreshares]

Yep pic.twitter.com/oB7kKmuOm0

— sam (@Britton65Sam) April 27, 2024

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Time for a new coffee cup!

[pos_stock_hoarder]

911? I'd like to report an suicide attempt in progress!

[getmoreshares]

😂🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂 pic.twitter.com/g7eBKMVulg

— 🦋🦋CutThroatClassy🦋🦋 (@MakingtheDoh) April 24, 2024

[pos_stock_hoarder]

Snort! Chortle!

[getmoreshares]

Oh lord 🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/yoeRLNeozM

— 🦋🦋CutThroatClassy🦋🦋 (@MakingtheDoh) April 25, 2024

[pos_stock_hoarder]

Oh man, this one is cruel!

[getmoreshares]

Uh oh 🤣😂😂🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/07m0j9UzFG

— 🦋🦋CutThroatClassy🦋🦋 (@MakingtheDoh) April 24, 2024

[pos_stock_hoarder]

A random repeat. Was a perfect fit for the board and still is!

[getmoreshares]

A teacher was explaining biology to her third grade students.

She said, "Human beings are the only creatures that studder."

A little girl raised her hand, saying, "I once had a cat that stuttered."

The teacher asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well," she began, "I was In the backyard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lived next door jumped over the fence into our yard!"

The teacher said, "That must have been scary!"

The little girl said, "It sure was.

My kitty raised her back, went 'Sssss, Sssss, Sssss,' and before she could say 'Sh*t' the dog ate her.

I'll show myself out but I want my like dadgummit!!

[getmoreshares]

One day a politician's donkey fell down into a well.

The animal cried piteously for hours as the politician tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.

They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.

Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the politician finally looked down the well.

He was astonished at what he saw.

With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.

He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the politician's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.

The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.

Each of our troubles is a stepping stone.

We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!

Shake it off and take a step up.

Enough of that crap…

The donkey later came back and bit the sh*t out of the politician who had tried to bury him.

The gash from the bite got infected, and the politician eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY’S LESSON:

When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.