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My version would be, "I'll have your eggs, dear. I love eggs. Wonderful eggs...wonderful eggs...." (Shut up, bloody Vikings!)
A COUPLE went to breakfast at a restaurant where the “seniors' special” was two Eggs, Bacon, Hash Browns, and Toast for $2.99.
“Sounds good,” the wife said…“but I don't want the eggs..”
“Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,”…the waiter warned her.
“You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?”…the wife asked incredulously.
“YES!”… stated the waiter.
“I'll take the special then,”…the wife said..
“Great…how do you want your eggs?“…the waiter asked.
“Raw and in the shell,”…the wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!…
Great stuff. A long bygone era!
Would you divorce your spouse if they were a Biden supporter? pic.twitter.com/CMfbJkfVmH
— Sue (@SueJ2024) June 8, 2024
RED SKELTON'S SECRET TO THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word or political. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.
LMBO!!!
a few years back at the gun range for sight-in days for hunters
we took turns helping people sight in and some were newbies
and this one gal came in and DAYUM!! she was a KNOCK OUT
racked and stacked! and her shirt barely covered her lady berries
like just above the nipples and showing one hell of a cleavage
and the damn perfume she had on....every guy in the shooting shed
literally stopped when she came in.....and every helped including our Supervisor
Myron- for the day.....backed like hell away from her especially since his wife was
just outside selling sandwiches etc
and I got pushed into it especially since my style was just like the ol' drill sargeant
he would put you in position if you weren't....put his hand on yours for grip and trigger pull
had her dry fire on a dead shell etc
and the other helpers were just dying when they saw me kinda freeze
cuz I was looking RIGHT DOWN when she asked a question
and I couldn't speak my tongue was so hard......got her hitting the 200 yd in a 3" group
and told her she was set.....
turned around rolling my eyes and Myron just lost it and nearly collapsed he was laughing so hard
and the gal thought he was laughing at her and she says- didn't I do ok?
Myron's--- YOU WERE JUST wonderful and you had a good patient teacher who did a good job
and then the whole damn shed busted out laughing cuz I went out for fresh air.....
DAYUM!!!
I'd have better odds of surviving the bike.
hell yeah- IF I wasn't married!
ya never know when the right time and the right place come together
yeppers...the question is
would you still today?
Mine was in the late 60s and early 70s.
LOL...except it was a bit further back for me
BUT I still dream about it now
I know, but this is the old timers board. This is educational stuff. LOL.
careful, we all may be there one day
Earlier today I stopped at Popeyes for a piece of crispy chicken.
She said, You want breast or leg?"
I said, "The leg."
She said, "What side?"
I thought about it for a few seconds, then said, "I guess the right side, I don't really know what the difference is."
After what seemed like several minutes of hysterical laughter from the staff and everyone in line behind me, she said, "No hunny, which side would you like to go with with your 'leg'?
mashed potatoes, biscuit or fries?"
Me: Oh, biscuit I guess.
Even if he wasn't the Flash, he'll be in the loo in a flash too!
— Dwayne FJB Dibley (@DwayneDibley16) June 1, 2024
OMG! busted a gut laughing........good one....HARR!!!!
The guy's beard looks like one as well! LOL!
Pubic wigs (called Merkins) were worn by prostitutes in the 1450s.
The reason for this strange accessory was that pubic hair was considered popular and attractive, but sex workers shaved their lower parts to avoid pubic lice (annoying) and used merkin to cover up sexually transmitted diseases from their clients, such as syphilis. .
In Hollywood film production, merkins may be worn by actors and actresses to avoid exposing genitalia during nude or semi-nude scenes.
The presence of the merkin protects the actor from inadvertently performing "full frontal" nudity – some contracts specifically require nipples and genitals to be covered in some way – which may help ensure the film achieves a less restrictive MPAA rating.
The Oxford English Dictionary dates the first written use of the term to 1617.
The word probably originated from malkin, a derogatory term for a lower-class young woman, or from Marykin, a pejorative way of saying the female name Mary.
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