thank you for heads up
marker fer ya
ya need ah drink eh mr. dunahee give ah shot & beer
Some Friday Morning humor:
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “F**k it, soldier on!”
I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100 meter final. I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?" "No," she said, "Eight black men and a gun."
A Catholic boy in confession says, “Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister.” “That's a disgrace,” said the priest, “especially when you have two gorgeous brothers.”
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
And for those of us in the WaMu battle.....
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean. It doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it."
Eyes now wide with interest, he responded,
"No kidding. I'm Brian Rosen. What firm are you with?"
I changed the name to suit our situation!
A little girl is asked by her teacher to go home and get her parents to teach her a story with a moral in it and recite it to the class.
The next day she comes in to tell her story.
My Mother was a pilot in the war. One day she was shot down behind enemy lines and had to eject from the plane. She had only a revolver, a knife and a bottle of whiskey. On the way down she drank the whiskey. Upon landing she was surrounded by a dozen enemy soldiers. She shot 6 of them and when she ran out of bullets, she stabbed 2 of them to death. The rest of them ran away.
The teacher asks what the moral of her story is.
The little girl replied, don't f**k with Mommy when she's drunk.
Note: One can substitute team names to whatever appeals to them.
So it is the first day of class and the teacher says "I want you all to know that I am a huge Eagles fan. Who else here is a Eagles fan?"
All the kids want to impress the teacher so they raise their hands - - except for Mary.
The teacher looks at Mary and says, "Mary, I noticed you didn't raise your hand. Aren't you a Eagles fan?"
Mary replies, "No, I am a Giants fan".
The teacher asks, "Well Mary, why are you a Giants fan?"
Mary replies, "My Mom is a Giants fan, My Dad is a Giants fan, so I am a Giants fan".
The teacher responds, "Now Mary, don't you know that you don't have to agree with everything your parents say? After all, if your Mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot then what would you be?"
Mary responds with a smile, "then I would be a Eagles fan!!"
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited ..............
I hear ya...... A few beers loosens me up a bit and I get feeling confrontational defending my position in WaMu. Note that the POS won't respond when others ask him/her questions. That's why I keep throwing the question back at 'em!!
Enjoy your Sunday.
You saw that, lol!
That little CSMF pisses me off, and with a few beers in me I just took that POS off ignore, drinking and feel like mixing it up a little lol. I doubt that losser can answer my questions.
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she
heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's
"I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's
got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the
window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly
discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon,
so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being
naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best
After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him
with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air.. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved along side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes
with you under your arm?"
"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed
right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, "Do you always
wear a condom when you run?"
"Nope...just when it's raining."
The devil visited BR's law firm and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you" the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be over a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."
BR thought for a moment... Then he asked "What's the catch?"
Sounds Good. Time to Celebrate..It's a New Day!!
Who has a hangover from Last Night.
Hey everybody let´s have some drinks OK?
I second that, Let's have the inauguration party for Cheers Bar tomorrow night,.. Invite all premium members, everyone has to have a drink in their hand. A joke on their tongue and a pretzel in their mouth.
I will be here fair and square and ready to rare.
This is so great, time to have a "Highland Park 18yo" Cheers!
From Speculator: Fsshon really liked your post in support of Gingrich. I tried to post this on cheers bar but couldn't for some reason. He would not only help with the govt. corruption, read his books about education for kids in this country. He is the only politician that can save public ed in America. I have worked in Title 1 public schools the last 15 years. Because of No Child Left Behind kids in public ed. are tested 4-6 weeks a year more than we were in order to get Federal funding. That is 4-6 more weeks a year that kids are measured on what they know and not actually learning anything new!
Ask a farmer with an 8th grade education the question "Can you fatten a pig by weighing it?", all he would do is laugh at you. The Government needs to get its hands out of education in order to bring back the success of the 50's, 60's, and 70's. IMO
That stuff is pure Nasty!! Glad to hear you both are getting better, I've honestly thought of you and others that experienced mishaps so close to the holidays. Another board/and poster I know has been off the radar a while...husband was going for procedure, heart related..got news today she'll be posting again soon. Here's to a better year!
She's great, getting better day-by-day....Thanks for asking. I am healing up also, should be completely healed by mid Feb. My injury was pretty bad, I will tell ya about it someday..
How's that stuff in the barrel?
Hey Don, hows the wife? Everything good I hope.
I RAISE A GLASS TO ALL!!!
The Best Pubs are Irish
As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
"Well, Angus," said the Welshman, "At my local in Cardiff, WJ Rees', the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, O'Neill's, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"
The Welshman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
"Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not myself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."
Merry Christmas everyone!
Motion of Daniel Hoffman to Reconsider Order Dated December 17, 2010 Denying His Request to Unseal Documents [re: Docket No. 6370]
He do not want to come here because...........