Redneck

[SkeBallLarry]

.[Suppressed Sound Link]

[SkeBallLarry]

[SkeBallLarry]

[wzebra33]

Condos

[Trinityz1]

I've got a banjo, picked one up back in the 70's and it came easy
so figured when a local music store went out of business I'd get one.....haven't had the time and it's tougher this go round.
I bought a decent one but I must be tuning it wrong because it
murders my fingers making chords.

Once in a while, I'll pull out some of my harps (harmonicas) and
still have my doo-dad that holds it for me when I play guitar
and it breaks up this miserable long stinkin' winter we're having.

Hey Phil
You do know that's its good to soak your harp in beer when it's a long time between uses.....

[Phil(Hot Rod Chevy)]

Nice Larry.

I used to want to learn how to play a banjo, but I'm not dedicated to music enough.

I still want to learn how to play a harmonica though. I have a real nice one.

Phil

[SkeBallLarry]

( distant cuz on da Banjo ) .... He just-may make it big .. >

Tony Rice - Freeborn Man

[SkeBallLarry]

[Phil(Hot Rod Chevy)]

Redneck swing:



LOL

Phil

[wzebra33]

One string willy

[wzebra33]

Top 10 Ways to know if you are using a Redneck's Computer...

10. The monitor is up on little blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have toebacky stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have Ford truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to four.
5. Every password is "Bubba."
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the side of the computer.
3. There's a Skoal can used for your beverage coaster.
2. The keyboard is painted in camouflage.
AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer
is...
1. The mouse is referred to as the "critter.

Redneck Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?

a. '66 Ford Fairlane
b. '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
c. '64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?

8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

[wzebra33]

Alcohol and Ammo

See how good you are

This is a riot

Turn your speakers up a bit

Can you hit the Apple?

It's actually more fun when you miss, so dont be too accurate!

http://crass.on.ru/flash/aaa-1.html

[Fishin' Canuck]

Hey, who was shooting video of me quadding?

[SkeBallLarry]

[wzebra33]

Homemade mailboxes

http://sblom.com/mailbox/

[SkeBallLarry]

[Phil(Hot Rod Chevy)]

Nascar contest starts today on the Nascar Board with the 50TH running of the Daytona 500.

Winner receives a cash prize and an annual membership to Ihub.

http://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/board.asp?board_id=3206

To enter the contest, just read the rules in the Ibox and post your picks.

Have fun,
Phil

[SkeBallLarry]

[Fishin' Canuck]

On the front page of our local paper this morning, there was a picture of a sign that sits outside a church here. It says:

Staying in bed
Shouting Oh God!
Does not constitute
going to church


LMAO!!

[wzebra33]

The "tater"gun
http://www.break.com/index/girl-in-underwear-builds-potato-gun.html

[BullNBear52]

[lacymarie]

A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central
Mississippi recently with two ice chests full of fish.
He was leavin' a cove well-known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license
to catch those fish?"
"Naw, sir", replied the redneck. "I ain't got none of
them there licenses. You must understand, these here
are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the
lake and let 'em swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I
whistle, they jump right back into these here ice
chests and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that."

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then
said, "It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show
ya. It really works."

"O. K.", said the warden. "I've got to see this!"

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood
and waited.

After several minutes, the warden says, "Well?"

"Well, what?", says the redneck.

The warden says, "When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH", replied the warden!

"What fish?", replied the redneck.
...

Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some
city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government
employees

You can say what you want about the South, but you
never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.

[SkeBallLarry]

dupe ....

[SkeBallLarry]

[SkeBallLarry]

[Phil(Hot Rod Chevy)]

Liar, Liar, Pants on fire.

LOL

Phil

[cbfromli]

you couldn't get laid in a brothel....

[SkeBallLarry]

Crystal ~ >>

[SkeBallLarry]

Natalie > Inseparable

[SkeBallLarry]

Wind Beneath My Wings >

[SkeBallLarry]

I Believe '' >>

[SkeBallLarry]

Has Meaning ... Hear it all thru ....

=

[SkeBallLarry]

Stand by me

[SkeBallLarry]

Willie/Krisyophersto >>

=

[SkeBallLarry]

''splooooooey'' .. !!

[SkeBallLarry]

ahhhh ... c'mon >

[Phil(Hot Rod Chevy)]

I love bluegrass music.

I must be a true redneck.

LOL

Phil

[SkeBallLarry]

Crying

[SkeBallLarry]

Some Big Names here >>

[Phil(Hot Rod Chevy)]

LOL

I could even get laid in a bar full of drunk horny redneck women.

Phil

[SkeBallLarry]

Guitar in THIS one >>>>

[SkeBallLarry]

Iffn' I was @ a Party (and didn't get Laid) whillist THAT was playing ...Bury me ...

[Phil(Hot Rod Chevy)]

You SOAB, now I'm prolly going to be humming it all evening.

LOL

Hot video though.

Thanks,

Phil

[SkeBallLarry]

Been 'Hummin' this ALL a/noon for some Reason >

From M&M Man ....

[wzebra33]

[Phil(Hot Rod Chevy)]

The 12 Days Of A Cajun Christmas

Day 1: Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I
fix it las' night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow in
de swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.

Day 2: Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all
I got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille an made
Some gumbo out of dem.

Day 3: Dear Boudreaux, Why doan you sent some crawfish? I'm tired of
eating dem darn birds. I gave two of dose prissy French chickens to Marie
Trahan over at Grans Bayou an fed the tird one to my dog Phideaux. Marie
needed some sparing partners for her fighting rooster.

Day 4: Dear Boudreaux, Mon Dieux! I tol you no more friggin birds. Deez
four, what you call dem "calling birds" were so noisy you could hear dem
all de way to Napoleonville. I used dere necks for my crab traps, an fed de
rest of dem to de gators.

Day 5: Dear Boudreaux, You finally sen' somethin useful. I like dem golden rings, me.
I hocked dem at da pawn shop in Thibodeaux and got enuf money
to fix da shaft on my shrimp boat an buy a round for da boys at de
Raisin' Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!

Day 6: Dear Boudreaux, Couchon! Back to da birds, you Cajun turkey! Poor
egg suckin' Phideaux is scared to death at dem six geeses. He tried to
eat dems eggs and dey peck de heck out ah his snout. Dey good at eating
cockroaches, though. I may stuff one of dem witerster dressing on
Christmas day.

Day 7: Dear Boudreaux, I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I see
you. Thibeau, da mailman, is ready to kill ya. The merde from all dem
birds is stinkin' up his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip on dat stuff and
sue him good. I let those seven swans loose to swim on de bayou and some
duck hunters from Mississippi blasted dem out of de water. Talk to you
tomorrow.

Day 8: Dear Boudreaux, poor ole Thibeau, he had to make tree trips on
his mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids a milkin and their cows. One of dem
cows got spooked by da alligators and almost tipped over da boat. I doan like
dem shiftless maids, me no. I tolt dem to get to work guttin fish and
sweepinq the shack but dey say it wasn't in dair contract. Dey probably
think dey too good ta skin nutrias I caught las night.

Day 9: Dear Boudreaux, What you trying to do huh? Thibeau had to borrow
the Lutcher ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you call " Lords-a-Leaping "
across the bayou. As soon as dey gots here dey wanted a tea break with
crumpets. Doan know what dat means but I says, "Well La Di Da. You get Chicory
coffee or nuttin." Mon Dieu, Emile. What I'm gonna feed all dese bozos?
Dey too snooty for fried nutria, and de cows done eat my turnip greens.





Day 10: Dear Boudreaux, You got to be outs you mind! If de mailman don't
kill you, I will fo sure. Today he deliver 10 half nikid floozies from
Bourbon Street. Dey said dey be "Ladies Dancin" but dey doan act like
ladies in front of dose Limey twits. Dey almos left after one of dem got bit by a
water moccasin over by da out-house. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed toute le
monde an had to get toilet paper; the Sears catalog wasn't good enuf fer
dose hoity toity Lords' royal behin.

Day 11: Dear Boudreaux, where y'at? Cheerio an pip pip. Your 11 pipers
piping arrives today from the House of Blues, second lining as dey got
off de boat. We fixed snuffed goose and beef jambalaya and we having a
fais-do-do. Da new mailman he having a good time, yeah, dancing with de floozies.
Thibeau he jump off de Sunshine Bridge yesterday, screaming your name. If you get
A mysterious, ticking package in de mail, doan open it.

Day 12: Dear Boudreaux, I sorry to tell ya but I not your true love
anymore, no. After da fais-do-do, I spent de night with Jacque, de head
piper. We decide to open a restaurant and gentleman's club on de bayou. The
floozies, pardon me, Ladies dancing can make $20 for a table dance, and
de Lords can be waiters an valet park de boats. Since de maids doan have no more
cows ta milk, I trained dem ta set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, an
run my shrimping business.

We will probably gross a million nex year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YA!!!!

[Phil(Hot Rod Chevy)]

Da Night Befo Crizzmus

Wus da night afo' Crizzmus, and all thru da hood, everybody be sleepin' and dey be sleepin' damned good.
We hunged up our stockins, an hoped like all heck, dat dear ole Santy Claws, gunna brang us our check.
All of da family, was ly'in on the flo', my sister wif her gurlfriend, and my brother wif some ho.
I dun passed out on da flo' too, right next to my baby's maw, when I heared such a fuss, I thunk....'Sh'eet, must be da law'.
I looked out thru da bars, to see what I'ze could see, I was spectin' the sherrif, wif a warrunt fo' me. But what did I see, made me say, 'Laaawd look at dat'. dere was a huge watermelon, pulled by 8 big ass rats.
Now over all of da years, Santy Claws he be white, but it looks like us brotha's, got a black Santy tonight.
Faster than a poleece car, my homeboy he came, and whupped up on dem rats, as he called dem by name.
On Leroy, On Jerome, On Virgil, On Willy, On Yolanda, On Crayola, On Kiesha, and Nefilly.
Ol' Santy landed dat melon, right there in da street, I knowed it fo' sho'! , da damnest thing I ever seed.
Dat black Santy didn't go down no chimney, he picked da lock on my doe, an I sez to myself, 'Sh'eet...he don dis befoe. He had a big bag, full of presents I spect, wif Air Jordans and fake gold, to wear roun my neck.
But he left me no presents, just started stealin my shit.
He got my guns and my crack, and my new burglers kit. Den, wif my shit in his bag, out da windoe he flew, I sho' woulda chased him, be he snagged my knife too.
He jumped back on dat melon, wif out even a hitch, and waz gone in two seconds, dat son of a bitch.
So nex year I be hopin', a white Santy we git, 'cause a black Santy Claws, just ain't worf a shit!!!

Everyone lock your doors and don't let him in.

LOL

Merry Xmas,
Phil

[SkeBallLarry]

Watch this one all the way thru >

[Phil(Hot Rod Chevy)]

TO ALL:

A great Ihubber, Goldman450, passed on last evening and his wife, Robin, posted to Centual Sue and myself about his passing.

This is her post to Sue:

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hi sue, I did try to write to you last night but honestly, I am numb.

Please ask Phil and yourself to pick in Rob's name. Nascar was everything to him.

He'd not want to miss his picks!

Robin

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

This is her post to me:

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hello,

This is Rob's wife Robin. I am very sorry to tell you this but Rob passed on this afternoon. He passed away in his easy chair just as he wanted.

I had just gotten done holding him to tell him I loved him when he passed. It was very sudden, but he just went during his sleep and was very calm.

I'm so sorry. He spoke highly of all of you. I tried my very best for him, but he just went.

Robin

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The moderators on the NASCAR board, and Sue, will pick for him next year, and if history tells us anything, he will win the contest next year just like Marie did the year she died.

Must be divine intervention, whatever.

We are going to have a Memorial service for Rob (Goldman) tomorrow evening on the NASCAR board, and request that anyone that cares, please stop by and say goodbye to him.

http://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/board.asp?board_id=3206

Also, we are requesting that anyone that knew him or traded posts with him please, please send a PM to his account so his wife can read the posts at her leisure and see how much we cared about him.

http://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/profile.asp?user=54165

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Rob (Goldman) was a class act and deserves nothing but the best.

Everyone please stop by tomorrow afternoon/ evening and say farewell to him.

Thanks,
Phil

[wzebra33]

Angry jimmy dean sausage complaint phone call (funny but some cussing)
http://www.filecabi.net/video/jimmy-dean.html