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The Starbucks Apocalypse (It's Hilarious!!)
http://myexpressionstoyou.blogspot.com/2011/07/starbucks-apocalypse-its-hilarious.html
Stock Legends has a major PR at 9:30am Thursday, October 27,'11
http://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/board.aspx?board_id=20989
Happy Camper!
You'll be a happy camper at Mamas Homemade Penny Plays With A Side of Biscuits. Check it out!:
http://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/board.aspx?board_id=22287
The Shining in 30 Seconds!
http://www.angryalien.com/0504/shiningbunnies.html
Get some good laughs AND shares at Mamas Homemade Penny Plays With A Side of Biscuits:
http://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/board.aspx?board_id=22287
"Guy jokes"
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of breasts in there.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's s*ex drive by 90% ...
…it's called a Wedding Cake.
I married my 'Miss Right'.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
The question is, in WHAT? lol I can't see that same move being done in the bigs. lol
Some of you may have seen this:
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/video/drunken-man-coachella-flip-flop-10444744
Still laughin. That was my uncle!
It's Hell to be Old
OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for
a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a
semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave
him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the manexplained, 'Well, doc, it's like
this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my
left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with herright hand, then with her
left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door andshe tried too, first with
both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her
knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbour?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she
wants her
vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and
floppy.
Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a
secret and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3
roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she
immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not
to tell anyone about my operation!"
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for
confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I
felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."
"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the
surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure
done some time ago."
"And what about the third rose?", she asked.
"That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to
thank you for his new ear
I came across this site, believe it or not, while looking for piggy banks for my niece's little girls!
Once you get done looking at what these idiots did to themselves, you can peruse all the other odd shit on the site. It'll take awhile! lol
http://www.oddee.com/item_96748.aspx
*You knew these would be coming!*
> Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide
> between the wood or the iron.
>
> We heard that Tiger’s wife has been interested in taking up golf.
> However, 2:30am does sound a bit of an odd time to start hitting your Woods.
>
> Ping just offered Elin Nordegren an endorsement contract pushing her own
> set of drivers. They are marketing them as "clubs you can beat Tiger with."
>
> News travels fast. The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger
> Woods' crash. They are calling it, "Scratching Swede, Lying Tiger."
>
> EA Sports has announced the recall of Tiger Woods 2010 so a new bonus
> level can be added called "Tiger VS The Driveway". A collector's edition
> will be sold with a free Wii steering wheel.
>
> What does Tiger Woods have in common with baby seals? They're both
> clubbed by Scandinavians.
>
> If you made it to work this morning, you have earned the right to say "I
> can out drive Tiger Woods."
>
> It has just been reported that Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife,
> Elin, to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.
>
> The police asked Elin how many times she hit him. She replied, "I don't
> know exactly, but put me down for a 5."
>
> Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a
> hole in one.
>
> What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a
> golf ball 400 yards.
>
> What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
> They were clubbing.
Answers to exam questions
The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. )
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)...........and they WILL breed. THEY WILL ALSO VOTE_HOW FRIGHTENING
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
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You gotta' post that on the SPNG board. lol
Is that a SPNG sponge? lol
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