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Americans Demand That Offensive Symbol of Racism Be Removed from Public Property


Photograph by by Cheriss May / NurPhoto via Getty

By Andy Borowitz
August 16, 2017

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report [ http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report ])—A growing chorus of Americans is demanding that an offensive symbol of racism be removed from public property.

Creating outrage since it was first installed at a historic landmark in January, the symbol, a figure of a man standing six feet two and weighing approximately two hundred and fifty pounds, has emerged as one of the most despised objects in the country.

Now, less than seven months after the figure’s installation, calls for its removal have spread from home to abroad, with many of the nation’s allies wondering what possessed Americans to put such an odious figure in such a visible position.

Large protests broke out this week in New York City, where the offensive symbol was briefly on display.

“Every time I see [the racist symbol] on TV, I want to change the channel,” one protester said. “I can’t stand looking at it.”

“This symbol is a part of America’s dark, ugly past,” another protester said, echoing the opinions of many. “It has no business being here in 2017.”

© 2017 Condé Nast

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/americans-demand-that-offensive-symbol-of-racism-be-removed-from-public-property


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Controversy Over Confederate Statues Inspires Betsy DeVos to Google Civil War


Photograph by Jacquelyn Martin / AP

By Andy Borowitz
August 18, 2017

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report [ http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report ])—The raging controversy over Confederate statues has impelled Betsy DeVos to Google the Civil War, the Education Secretary confirmed on Thursday.

“People have been going on and on about the Civil War, and I was like, Betsy, what the heck are they talking about, exactly?” DeVos told reporters. “After a certain point, I decided I just had to Google it.”

DeVos said that she was glad that she Googled the Civil War, calling it “an extremely fascinating chapter in American history that people need to find out about.”

“Like President Trump has been saying, the Civil War had sides to it,” she said. “Although I don’t think it had many sides. I only counted two.”

DeVos said that, prior to Googling the Civil War, she believed that parents should have a choice as to whether or not their children learned history in the nation’s schools, “but now I’m starting to rethink that.”

“I guess you might say I’ve gotten bitten by the history bug,” DeVos said, adding that she was about to Google Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and George Washington.

© 2017 Condé Nast

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/controversy-over-confederate-statues-inspires-betsy-devos-to-google-civil-war


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