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Replies to #4501 on Derf's Grotto
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AKvetch

03/05/03 6:52 PM

#4502 RE: Susie924 #4501

Susie, see if you know this local girl...

A young blonde woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.

From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the Captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained". "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," the Captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."


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BullNBear52

03/05/03 7:05 PM

#4506 RE: Susie924 #4501

Since St Patty's Day falls in the middle of Lent

An Irishman moves into a tiny village in County Kerry, walks into the pub
and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but
serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.
>
An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more.
This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three
beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the
"Man Who Orders Three Beers."
>
Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the
town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always
order three beers?" "Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies, "You see, I have two
brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each
other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a
way of keeping up the family bond."
>
The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon
the "Man Who Orders Three Beers" became a local celebrity and source of pride to
the village, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.
Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender
pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening: he
orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one
of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to
offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know--the two beers and all....
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The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear
that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, meself, have
decided to give up drinking for Lent."